Two things happened this week that have, visibly, aged me!

by ratty

The first was on Monday and involved a visit to the off-licence.

I could have taken the normal route. But, oh no, Joe Hunt here decides to minimise the walk by taking a short cut and going through the vegetable market, a mass of ramshackle stalls with a maze of little narrow pathways.

The place is packed with basket-carrying women doing the daily shop. It’s also a favourite for stray cats who feed on the discarded fruit and veg.

It was one of the latter that caught my eye, a beautiful little black kitten sitting by the side of a path. To attract its atention, I pursed my lips and drew in my breath to make those little sucking sounds.

Unfortunately, the middle aged lady lady in front of me chose that very moment to bend over to pick up her shopping bags. She shot bolt upright and cast me a scathing look.

“Mashisha” I tried to explain in Arabic, forgetting in my panic, to use the word “K’tayta” (cat).

“Mashisha” means Pussy Cat !

F*ck ! ! !

I cut my losses, and legged it.

………………………………………………….

The second incident happened this very day.

Lunchtime saw me sitting in the kitchen enjoying a fag, when Mrs. Ratty traipsed in to ask me to bring the washing down from the roof.

I should explain that, here, appartment blocks have flat roofs and these are equipped with communal washing lines.

Armed with my washing basket and clothes peg holder, I took the lift to the roof and gathered in the washing.

God, there was loads of it.

As is my custom, I gathered in the small stuff first, which consisted mainly of my wifes diaphanous knickers and bra’s, followed by larger stuff like shirts, jeans, bath towels, sheets etc. (sometimes I wonder if I suffer from that “Compulsive wotsit-thingy disorder.”) Straining under the weight of it all, I re-entered our appartment with just enough breath to enjoy another ciggie, while Mrs. Ratty went through the basket, sorting items into order.

“What’s all this?” She called.

“What’s all what?” I coughed.

“All this underwear, it’s not mine.”

Now I find myself in the lift again, frantically stabbing the button for the top floor. I access the (thankfully) unoccupied roof and start to replace the knickers and bra’s back on to the line. I’m half-way through to finishing, when . . . the roof door is opened by the lady from the fourth floor, to find me holding her knickers in one hand and a clothes-peg in the other.

Double F*ck ! ! !

Contrary to what you may believe, I AM NOT A PERVERT !

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25 Comments to “Two things happened this week that have, visibly, aged me!”

  1. if you say so ratty… ;)

    Like

  2. It’s the lady on the 4th floor you need to convince – not us !!! :wink:

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  3. Love the piccy, Duncan!

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  4. I never gave him permission to use that!

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  5. I thought it was Duncan’s ‘under his kilt wear’ :lol:

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  6. Ratty, what you get up to in your own home – and providing it doesn’t involve goats or camels – is your own business.

    No need to explain to us.

    We’re your friends. We understand !!! :wink:

    Like

  7. I see you’ve missed me then duncs… :lol:

    Ratty – don’t listen to him! of course you have to explain. :roll:

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  8. “One fine day, I shagged a goat-herd, Yoddle-oddle-oddle-oh-oh-dee”

    (From the Sound of Music)

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  9. I was bereft, Nosey – bereft !!! :wink:

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  10. a whole herd :shock:

    How many was that then ??? :lol:

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  11. Of course I shall explain, nosey.

    It all started one day when I was talking to my sister’s neighbour’s, cousin’s uncle. Not the one who drives the buses, the other one who got laid off from Woolworth’s when they went bust. He was telling me that his father-in-law’s aunty used to have a brother who was married to a second cousin whose father the family have nothing to do with anymore.

    W-ell, she said to me that . . . (you are following nosey, aren’t you?)

    Like

  12. It was a “monkey” or a “pony”, Duncan. I can’t be sure of the numbers, the old memory isn’t what it used to be.

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  13. horny old goat !!! :wink:

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  14. ratty – thats not the bloke who’s now a female nurse in our local hospital is it? :shock:

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  15. What is it with this Site? Every few days, or so, we seem to return to “Goat” puns.

    And, it pisses me off!

    Only KIDDING – (Boom-boom!)

    Geddit – KID-ding? Oh . . . why do I bother?

    Like

  16. Yep, nosey, that’s herm.

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  17. bllody hell ratty – I didn’t realise that you were related!!! Small world ;)

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  18. Only by Civil Union and IVF, you understand.

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  19. Its ok – I won’t tell anyone who doesn’t know you. :lol:

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  20. What about the people who know me?

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  21. Well I’ll think about that if I find anyone who admits to knowing you… :lol:

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  22. Don’t look at me !!! :shock:

    Like

  23. I try not to! that pink shirt is a little … loud. :lol:

    Like

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