Archive for April, 2009

April 30, 2009

Don’t PANIC!

by noseycow

But  some family members of an employee who helped to organise a recent white house aides trip to (gasp in horror) MEXICO, have tested positive for PROBABLE swine flu!!!

Or something like that …. see here

Fell free to predict the headlines next time President Obama sneezes….

April 30, 2009

Thankyou Ratty

by noseycow

the-cafe11

April 30, 2009

Daily Chat – 30th Apr 2009

by The Madhatters

If you never want to see a man again say ‘I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children’. They leave skid marks. (Rita Rudner)

April 30, 2009

Warning to Wankers

by The Madhatters

It affects your eye sight in later life.

But that is the least of the dire consequences you can expect – according to the ‘Le livre sans titre’, published in Paris in 1844.

Your teeth will rot

Your hair will fall out

A devouring fire will burn your entrails

Do you really want to know more ?

Click here . . .

April 29, 2009

O.K. if you’re a Vet

by The Madhatters

playbillsheep2-3001TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Having sex with animals could soon be outlawed in Florida.

The Senate unanimously passed a bill (SB 448) Tuesday that would make it a third degree felony for anyone to have sex with an animal. A similar bill in the House has not been debated on the floor.

Florida is one of 16 states without a law banning bestiality.

The bill sponsored by Sen. Nan Rich, D-Weston, D-Weston, would make the offense a third-degree felony, punishable by up to five years in prison. The Florida law would not apply to veterinary practices.

Source . . .

April 29, 2009

Wisdom

by NobblySan

Received from a mate in this morning’s email…..

I liked this one.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”

I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,

I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either…. but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.

April 29, 2009

Daily Chat – 29th Apr 2009

by The Madhatters

When little men cast long shadows, the sun is about to set (Michael Seymour)

April 29, 2009

I’m with the horse !!!

by The Madhatters

10-year-old Alfie refuses to have his moustache trimmed. Photo: Eyecatch Pictures

10-year-old Alfie refuses to have his 'moustache' trimmed. Photo: Eyecatch Pictures

A 10-yr old Shire-cross horse called Alfie has grown a rather fetching ‘golden’ moustache.

Alfie is clearly attached to his facial hair and so far has resisted all efforts by well-meaning stable staff at Bitton, Gloucestershire to trim his ‘tash’ – refusing to let them into his stall or running a mile if anyone brandishing a pair of scissors tries to approach him.

Personally, I think the moustache suits him – makes him stand out from the herd.

As a proud sporter of facial hair myself I think Alfie should opt for the full beard !!!

Source . . .

April 29, 2009

Swine Flu: Kill the virus

by The Madhatters

Click here to play . . .

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April 28, 2009

Daily Chat – 28th Apr 2009

by The Madhatters

I have good looking kids, thank goodness my wife cheats on me (Rodney Dangerfield)

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