Dear sir . . .

by ratty

I’ve nicked this from another blog – http://200weeks.police999.com/ – which is well worth a visit.

EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS WRITTEN BY COUNCIL TENANTS

1. It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
About these ads

6 Comments to “Dear sir . . .”

  1. 8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

    I have to wonder if these 2 are connected?
    :)

  2. The GP was wondering why Mrs Grimes’s suppositories hadn’t worked.

    “Are you sure you put them in your back passage?” he enquired.

    “Well, doctor, we don’t have a back passage, so I put them in the hall. Is that why they didn’t work?”

  3. 1. me too

    11. show off

    13. stick to whisky – it’s safer

    15 try biting it

    18. try duct tape over his mouth

    19 I’m on my way

    20 I’m on my way

    22. I’m off !

  4. That’s so funny I’ve printed it out on hardcopy–thanks for sharing it, and thanks for the link!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 865 other followers

%d bloggers like this: