I’d done it before – at least 3 or 4 times over the last 12-15 years – so I wasn’t anticipating any problems
But as the great man himsel’ said . . . ‘the best laid schemes of mice and men gang aft agley’
Being a lazy bugger, I couldn’t be arsed to go fetch the ladders or a chair to stand on, Instead, I stood on the bed. Or to be more accurate, since it is central to this story, I had my right foot on the bed and my left on the bedside cabinet. I stretched out my hand but the curtain rail was a few tantalizing inches beyond my reach. I needed an alternative plan. And this is where it went wrong . . .
The window sill was higher than the bed, so I figured I could gain the extra inches I needed by switching my right foot from the bed to the window ledge
All right, all right, no need to snigger – all you smarty-pants that have guessed what happened next!
The moment I lifted my right foot from the bed and swung it towards the window ledge, my entire weight was transferred on to my left foot – which wasn’t positioned in the centre of the bedside cabinet but near the front edge. The inevitable happened. The cabinet toppled forward, and I did too – smacking my forehead against the wall before collapsing on top of the cabinet.
It was a hell of a crack and the noise brought the dogs running in from the garden to find me a crumpled heap on the floor.
I wasn’t on the floor for long – 3 dogs enthusiastically licking your face and jumping on your chest has a wonderful recuperative effect.
As for the burning question on every one’s lips, you’ll be pleased to hear the wall was undamaged!
P.S. no alcohol was involved in the removal of these curtains, though copious amounts were consumed afterwards for ‘medicinal purposes – ‘cos my bloody heid f*cken hurt !!!