but sometimes it’s a good hurt
and it feels like
Standing outside a set of double doors, I closed my eyes tightly as if an invisible force stabbed me. A sigh of frustration left my lips, and when I trusted myself to stay calm, I walked inside the university halls with a plastic smile. It didn’t take me long before I spotted her. I could always pick her out from a crowd. She was talking and laughing with Anna, her closest female friend, and hadn’t noticed me yet. I was content with standing here and admiring her from afar. The fear that she would sense what I felt kept me distant from her. I was going to walk away- I should have walked away- but her eyes met mine and I couldn’t tell you my name then if you paid me. Without wasting another minute, she rushed towards me and narrowed her eyes in my direction. I smiled because her angry expression was too adorable.
“Why didn’t you pick up any of my calls or text me back?”
I listened to every message and read every text. So, why didn’t I return any call or message? I didn’t have the strength, the will to return anything.
“C-congratulations… on your engagement.”
“Finally remembered, huh?”
I never forgot.
“Uh y-yeah, hey, I have to go… I’ve got this project and-“
“Oh no you don’t! Here, at least have this.”
She grabbed my hand and placed an ornate envelope onto my palm. I admired the smoothness and feel of her hand against mine before she pulled away.
I knew what it was but I wanted to stand next to her for as long as I could.
“My wedding invitation. You better come or else, okay?”
She was walking away and all I could think about was the burden in my heart. The burden of loving her and never letting her know. It was overwhelming me, and the mask I was wearing crumbled away. Before I could think my actions through, I ran and grabbed her hand. I yanked her inside an empty classroom and shut the door.