Strangely missing from the list ?
Wiping your dick on the curtains !
Can you believe it?
Some scurrilous scandal- mongers are suggesting the Czech President, Milos Zeman, was inebriated when he attended a ceremonial public display of the Czech crown jewels last week
Zeman makes no secret of the fact that he likes a drink every
1/2 hour now and again. But insists . . .
91 yr old John “Jack” Potter is a Second World War vet and former mayor of Zaleski, Ohio.
Fearful with regard to his ailing health, he gave his daughter power of attorney over his affairs
Little did he know that
the bitch she transferred ownership of his home for the past 56 years into her own name – until she served him with an eviction notice ! – http://tinyurl.com/clwr9k6
Now, his grand-daughter is trying to raise the money to buy the house back from her mother so she can gift it back to her grandfather
There are still snow patches around and Heather Morning of the Mountaineering Council of Scotland warned these pose a potential life-threatening risk, particularly for women looking for a discrete place to ‘spend a penny’
One of Ms Morning’s friends had a narrow escape when she . . .
She is proposing that those convicted of killing police officers should NEVER be released from prison
Now one can argue over what would . . .
Don’t want to go to work?
Meeting you want to avoid?
Social engagement you want to wriggle out of?
Forgot your partner’s birthday?
What you need is a good excuse!
Do you know your dangling particles from you misplaced modifiers?
Buggered if I do (no surprise there to some folk that know me)
I scored a not very creditable 5 out of 10 (and one of those correct answers was a guess) on this test –
Who can better my score?
Yesterday, I introduced Madhatter readers to Wee Rab (http://tinyurl.com/c3vcw9s).
Today, I continue his story with an account of an episode from his early years . . .
Mrs D caught me at it the other night. I had promised her, after the last time, that I wouldn’t do it again. Yet here I was betraying her trust once more.
To say she was none too happy would be an understatement! ‘
What the f*ck are you doing?’, said she – in a whisper that could be heard 100 yards away! ‘
What does it look like I’m doing?’ I replied.
What if one of the neighbours sees you?’ ‘
It’s 2am in the morning’, I replied. ‘Who’s going to see me?’
‘You never know’, said Mrs D. ‘There’s some funny buggers about at this time of the night’ – glancing in my direction?
It only takes one person to catch you at it and call the cops. How are you going to explain yourself then?’
‘I’ll tell them the truth’, I said. ‘I’m doing it for Wee Rab – so he doesn’t get lost. It’s part of his training. I’m putting my scent on our driveway to help him find his way home if he gets separated from us in the park.’
They haven’t exactly been grounded – but Swaziland’s high flying witches face arrest and imprisonment if they are caught flying their broomsticks more than 150m above the ground – http://tinyurl.com/cqhp744
I have two questions about this story
1. How on earth are Swazi officials going to catch and arrest any buggers that flout the law?
2. What chance Swaziland winning the Quidditch World Cup now?
Reasons why this is so, given by doctors who participated in the study, included -
the New York City system wouldn’t allow them to enter correct cause of death, so they put in something else instead
they entered what their boss told them to even when they disagreed with his conclusion
they hadn’t a fecken clue why the patient had died so just entered their best guess
The authors of the report seem bothered by these inaccurate death records – http://tinyurl.com/c4vvzwv
Really, though, the solution is simple.
If one wants to improve the accuracy of death certificates, enter the cause of death as ‘heart failure’
Next question ?