Author Archive

January 28, 2015

My Sweaty Vagina Fail

by duncanr

lovers2_180it’s Valentine’s Day shortly

it probably seemed a wizard idea as a marketing ploy to create an online love poem generator

the idea being you ask people to submit a number of key words which are then inserted into a template to create a love poem

except, they didn’t reckon on arseholes like me taking the piss

here’s what happened when I . . .

January 28, 2015

Prison for Peeping Tom

by duncanr

peeping tom1a man caught by a cleaner peering over the top of a cubicle in the ladies toilets in the Arndale Centre, Manchester has been jailed for 13 months

Roberto Collins claimed, in his defence, that he had entered the ladies toilets by mistake because he was wearing the wrong glasses and couldn’t see the signs properly and needed to stand on the toilet seat because he had a sore arse that needed scratching – http://tinyurl.com/m582khs

somewhat surprisingly the judge dismissed this perfectly reasonable explanation as a load of bollocks – can you believe it ?

January 27, 2015

Recognise This Knob?

by duncanr

yes, this is where all the knobs (big ones and the not so big) hang out – Heck’s Farm Cider Farm, in Somerset – http://tinyurl.com/o4qr6zt

ad_158032077

and if you recognised this dickhead as UK Chancellor George Osborne, you’ve got some explaining to do !

January 27, 2015

Caption this . . .

by duncanr

fark_9GSfYjWApOOuPM0ywKKxbMfa8pY

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January 27, 2015

Nuts to Nutella

by duncanr

natella banneda French judge has ruled a couple can’t call their baby ‘Nutella’ because it is the tradename for a shitty spread and to do so would inevitably expose the child to teasing from other kids when it went to school

instead, he ordered the child be called “Ella” – http://time.com/3681714/nutellla-child/ – a much ‘safer’ name for a girl (less so for a boy)

a rare case here of parents being more of an ass than the law !

January 27, 2015

Pals

by duncanr

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January 26, 2015

Wanker Confesses

by duncanr

the Guardian briefly posted a pic of the UK Prime Minister David Cameron alongside a letter to the paper’s Agony Aunt – http://tinyurl.com/pts6e6q

they subsequently claimed it was an error

I’m not so sure :lol:

Screen shot 2015-01-26 at 17.19.41

January 26, 2015

Caption this . . .

by duncanr

US-DANCE-ROYAL DANISH BALLET: PRINCIPALS AND SOLOIST

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January 26, 2015

Who Shall have a Fishy on a Little Dishy ?

by duncanr

fishHoly Mackerel !

a delivery driver in east Belfast Cod be in trouble with his Bass after spilling a load of fish onto the road

locals, however, were Squids in

upon Herring the news, they rushed to the Plaice to ‘help’ with the clear up – http://tinyurl.com/plo4hud

[no prize for guessing what was on the menu of many a household that night]

January 26, 2015

Don’t Tell the Wife

by duncanr

babycliparta man re-united with a baby he accidentally left on a train has been advised by train staff not to tell his wife about his lapse of memory – http://tinyurl.com/nnn88b6

sound advice !

of course, he’s not the first – nor likely to be the last – new parent to absent-mindedly leave their baby somewhere

my mother did the same to me, I’m told – went shopping and was half-way home before remembering she had left me outside the co-op

we used to laugh when this story was retold at family parties over the years

my mum always said it was an accident and . . .

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