Author Archive

January 24, 2016

Eat your heart out, sticky !

by ratty

Ahumph ! (clears throat . . .)

A POEM FOR DUNCAN

January 22, 2016

Wossit all about ?

by ratty

A couple of nights ago me and a mate got as pissed as parrots and were talking the usual kind of shite

Some little time previous, an acquaintance and I were sitting at table and engaging in social intercourse. There was an abundance of alcoholic beverages available, of which we partook freely, consequently the subjects of our conversation, being many (as we continually abandoned one topic to pursue another) were, more or less, of a light and jolly nature.

(Yes, that sounds a much better intro . . . )

January 13, 2016

Wha’s your choice for the new English National Anthem ?

by ratty

I’ve just discovered (can you believe that no bugger bothered to tell me) that MP’s are going to debate whether that bloody awful dirge “God Save the Queen” should be dropped as the English National Anthem and replaced with something else.

Personally, I’d choose “Rule Britannia” but I suppose “Britannia” is a bit too inclusive for an English Anthem.

Some plonkers are even suggesting “Jerusalem.” And that’s another country ! So maybe I’ll stick with “Rule Britannia” after all.

Mind you, the theme tune from “Dr. Who” would be quite nice to sing along to . . .

What would you like as the new English anthem ?

December 1, 2015

Cœurs Solitaires*

by ratty

* frog for Lonely Hearts

MADHATTERS is happy to announce a NEW SERVICE for our readers

Cœurs Solitaires is a service open, both to a Lady wishing to acommodate a new male member into her fold, and to a Gentleman seeking to widen the rings of his Lady friends.

Why not avail yourself of this FREE service and submit your own request for a bonk.

Please note that all the announcements carry a reference code. This should be quoted in replies or referred to in comments.

September 20, 2015

TAGS

by ratty

The deep-throated cock crowed – thrice !

July 19, 2015

Postvocalic Rhoticity

by ratty

I’ve always thought that Duncan was talking out his “R’s.”

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3166974/Ach-nay-Scottish-accent-dying-people-north-border-drop-distinctive-R-s-speech.html

July 12, 2015

ratty cooks (Vol. Cuatro)

by ratty

Hello and once again welcome to ratty cooks, a weekly column dedicated to the pursuit of culinary delights from all four corners of the globe, delights that can be replicated in your very own kitchen.

This week your column host is in northern Spain in a simple and unpretentious backstreet situated far from the hustle and bustle of main stream Benidorm with its skyscraper-lined coast and the incessant roar of cement mixers.

It’s 7.30 in the morning and I have arrived at La Restaurante y Bar – “Guillermo Yago Ricardo.”

The reason for my visit to this establishment is to discover the true and authentic recipe for the world reknowned Tortilla Españole (Spanish Omelette) and to facilitate this I had the forethought to previously arrange a meeting with the Proprietor/Chef, a Señor Guillermo.

July 7, 2015

Worried about your Spelling ?

by ratty

Cna yuo raed tihs ?


Olny smoe plepoe can.

July 4, 2015

ratty cooks (Vol. Trois)

by ratty
Bonjour tout le monde. Comment, ça va ?
 
Welcome once more to the pretentious, pseudo-French ratty cooks weekly column.
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To those few visitors as yet unfamiliar with this hugely successful masterpiece of culinary education, I extend un accueil chaleureux.
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For those legions of regular fans of this column, it surely must have seemed an interminable wait anticipating volume three. So, without further ado, let’s “Staart Coo-king !”
 
This week I shall be showing you how to prepare a dish that originates from the northernmost extremity of Britain, Scotland. I like to refer to this tasty concoction as . . .

June 28, 2015

ratty cooks (vol. II)

by ratty
JACKPOT !
There has been an unprecedented demand, in the form of an email, calling for the pretentious, pseudo-French ratty cooks column to be made into a weekly feature so, this week, fellow gourmets, ratty is going to show you how to make the culinary delight commonly known to the aficianado’s of home cuisine as . . .

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