On June 9, the town is staging the Bakewell Baking Festival. The event is open to all comers (stop sniggering!) and the climax (I’m warning you!) was to be a Custard Pie Fight.

That, however, may have to be dropped from the menu of events after . . . Health & Safety officials (aka wankers) ruled the custard pie required the council to take out insurance for any injury claims that might arise from the event and souffle no insurance company seems prepared to cover the event

Unless one is prepared to rise to the occasion at the last moment, it looks, therefore, that the Mr Darcy Custard Pie Fight is going to be a non-starter

Source – http://tinyurl.com/anqq244

Two guys aimed to find out in a simulated childbirth experiment

Their conclusion?

It’s bloody awful !

To be fair, though. It wasn’t a proper test since the guys didn’t have access to any whisky an epidural

This week I’m featuring a blog I’ve just recently stumbled upon myself – http://frommtvtomommy.wordpress.com/

Marriage is a union of two souls blindly beating the shit out of each other as they both desperately try to get some peace and quiet…and respect.

If someone said that to you, you may have . . . (Cont. here – http://tinyurl.com/cbsyx47)

Your pants round your ankles, you reach for the loo roll – and it isn’t there!

It’s a crap situation to find yourself in, so spare a thought for the folk in Venezuala

The country can’t keep up with the demand for toilet paper. Shops are sold out, and as soon as they get hold of some, long queues form and the stock flies off the shelves.

The Venezualan government blames the shortage of toilet rolls on “excessive demand“

Me?

I’m saying nothing – you can make up your own jokes !

Full story here – http://tinyurl.com/cgxto68

Don’t forget, if you want to listen again to previous weekend songs, go to the ‘category filter’ on the side bar and select ‘something for weekend’ from the drop down list

And be sure to post your own favourite song(s) in the comment section to this post

Police called upon to help free the man suspect alcohol may have been involved though they are not clear whether he was eating alone or his mates ran off when he got stuck in the chair – http://tinyurl.com/cpbf23r

They’ve now followed it up with a further page, in which the public submit their own favourites.

Some are a bit lame,  so I thought I’d see if you lot could do any better.

Well?

What are you waiting for?

Get to it, you lazy sods!

Did the earth move ?

Strangely missing from the list ?

Wiping your dick on the curtains !

http://tinyurl.com/bctu8s9

Some scurrilous scandal- mongers are suggesting the Czech President, Milos Zeman, was inebriated when he attended a ceremonial public display of the Czech crown jewels last week

Zeman makes no secret of the fact that he likes a drink every 1/2 hour now and again. But insists . . . he never gets drunk

“If anyone hasshh ever ssheen me drunk in my life, tell me (hic) when”

On this occasion, he was not drunk – merely suffering the effects of a virus

Tell me about it

I’m always catching a damn virus

In fact, I’m meeting some friends for a bit of a booze up on Friday and sure as hell I’ll catch one of those bloody viruses (again)