Posts tagged ‘england’

November 17, 2015

The idiot’s guide to La Marseillaise

by NobblySan

Before tonight’s England vs France ‘friendly’ at Wembley (the last one was an away match at Waterloo, I believe) both sets of fans were urged to join in singing the French national anthem.

Some helpful soul produced a version of the lyrics that yer average cockney could understand:-

October 6, 2015

I’m in the Money

by duncanr

5p bagsas of yesterday, shops in England began charging customers 5p for every plastic bag supplied to help carry their shopping home

overnight, my personal wealth increased substantially !

all those plastic bags I have been accumulating for years in the cupboard under the sink and in kitchen drawers – if sold for 4p each outside shops to desperate customers unwilling to pay 5p for a plastic bag, would rake me in a fortune :lol:

of course, not everyone has recognised the opportunity to make a quick buck welcomed news of the charge

for instance, this was the . . .

July 23, 2014

Farting on France

by duncanr

farting on franceHere is a MET Office Severe Weather Warning for the Channel region

a low pressure area, causing high winds is moving rapidly across the Channel from England and should reach France later this evening

the winds will be accompanied by noxious odours and residents of France are advised to stay indoors and stick some garlic up leur nez –

June 13, 2014

Croatians Thrash English

by duncanr

english assOne shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, because appearances can be deceiving – as some young English football fans in Brazil for the World Cup found to their cost

The fools rushed in to a footie match against some old, fat Croatian men – loser to buy the beers – and paid the price of leaping before they’d looked –

January 5, 2014

England : Down (Under) and Out

by duncanr

bowled outEngland 0 – 5 Australia

Oh dear, perhaps ‘the least said, the better’ regarding the England cricket team’s awful performance against Australia’s cricketers (hee, hee) :lol:

November 21, 2013

How England can win the World Cup

by duncanr

candlesEngland won the FiFa World Cup in 1966

It was a terrible thing to happen

That win has haunted every subsequent manager since.

It has led to unrealistically high expectations of success in every subsequent competition, when the truth is the players and the coach have just not been good enough

Following two defeats in recent ‘warm up’ games, only an eternal optimist or someone mentally deranged would bet on the team winning the Final in Brazil next year unless . . .

March 23, 2012

No Cheap Booze for You Lot !

by duncanr

David Cameron is seriously misguided

Not my words (as you might have expected) but those of British Retail Consortium food director, Andrew Opie

What’s he on about? – the UK Government’s plan to introduce a minimum selling price for alcohol in England and Wales

Mr Cameron thinks by making alcohol more expensive, this will curb binge drinking and end the sight of drunken louts in town centres of an evening

See –

[Hhmm, I think retailers in Scotland will do a roaring trade as hordes of folk in England and Wales make a run across the border to stock up on cheap booze denied them at home] :lol:

March 19, 2012

Cameron to Privatise Roads ?

by duncanr

The UK Prime Minister is expected to announce that the Government is considering putting the construction of new roads and the maintenance of existing roads in England into the hands of private companies

Private companies are in business to make money so expect road tolls to spring up if the Government proceeds with this plan. In other words, motorists will be charged twice to use roads in England. Once through the Road Tax we are legally obliged to pay to the Government and a second charge to the private companies taking over the building and maintenance of our roads

Yes, I think your on to a vote-winner there, Dave !

It’s not just the private motorist that is likely to be . .

February 9, 2012

Capello Quits as England Manager

by duncanr

Yesterday Fabio Capello quit as England Manager over a disagreement with the F.A. decision to strip John Terry of the England captaincy whilst he faces accusations of racist behaviour towards an opponent –

I hereby tender my resignation

June 26, 2010

England to lose tomorrow against Dem Jairmans….official.

by NobblySan

You can’t argue with an octopus called Paul.


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