Waffle and Shite – solicitors.

This, dear reader, is the place for any idle chat, banter, insult swapping extravaganzas, and generally anything that doesn’t fit into any of the current posts.

Many moons ago, we used to have a Daily Chat section, but it got dropped as less people waxed lyrical and interest waned (note the smartarse use of lunar related prose there….. shit, I’m so damn clever I could just go out and flash my arse at a passer-by).

Anyhow, I reckon that we may be in need of somewhere for such nonsense to flourish once again (errr…. that’s chat, not mooning – Ed.), so here it is. In the unlikely event that people take to it, and it gets beyond a couple of hundred comments, I’ll archive it off, and start again with a blank page,

Use it or lose it.

That was a Nobbly San production, brought to you courtesy of a laptop on a low table, and assisted by use of a chair with plenty of cushions on it.

127 Comments to “Waffle and Shite – solicitors.”

  1. There you go, MrsT.

    As promised, somewhere to prattle on.

    Go fer it, you old bugger….say something provocative.

  2. Provocative eh? Is that some kind of drink you have to take once a day to help you go?

  3. Aye, Jules would know about that kind of thing. Saucy mare.

    I’ve left my Xmas shopping till the last minute this year, in fact, I’ve done bugger all till today. So, armed with me shopping list, knowing which shops I was gonna go in – very unwomanlike, I know – I set off. Everything was going like clockwork till on the way back to the car park, I glanced into Iceland and just happened to notice that there weren’t many in there, Just a few little old ladies and no queue at the checkout. I’m in. Happily wandering down the aisles, I stopped at a freezer that was just being rummaged through by one of these little old ladies. I’d just popped me head in when ….WHAM, WTF! …….Down came the freezer lid on my head! After being stunned for a few minutes I noticed the little old lady looking at me quite shocked. Now I’m not sure if it was the ‘ouch’ or ‘did you not see me’ or it could have been ‘FFS that f***ker hurt’ . Either way, she toddled off quicker than Speedy Gonzalez, while I was left rubbing the ruddy great egg that had appeared on me bonce.

    Little old ladies – a dangerous breed.

  4. Him indoors keeps threatening to trade me in for a newer model, Duncs. He wouldn’t have got where he is today without me giving him a kick up the arse!

    I presume Julie’s on holiday and that’s why she’s not giving you some stick Nobbles?

    I think I’ve remembered how to do the yellow blobby things :lol:

    • You know me too well MrsT. There’s no way I’d be saying such stuff about Julie if she weren’t a few thousand miles away from the sub-tropical paradise of Oldham.

      What I need now is one of those little zapping sticks that the Men In Black had, that I can use to make you forget how to add those irritating blobs to your comments.

  5. it’s a bit long-winded, but you can skip to near the end…

  6. Wishing you all a Happy, Merry Christmas. Don’t forget, after all that eating and drinking, please feel free to come round mine…………………. some buggers got to eat all the cheese!

    Have a great day xx

  7. Happy New Year to you all xxx

    Ironing can wait till 2012 Duncs xx

  8. You started that ironing yet, MrsT?

  9. Dear MrsT,
    When I last did it, ironing meant ‘to flatten using an iron’.
    Go right ahead.

  10. Have you had this up before Duncan?

    http://tinyurl.com/6ktar2e

  11. Happy New Year !!

  12. Well, nobody’s put their hand up for a game of wiles, so I’ll just have to start by going off to the pub for three days (that’s a masculine wile, by the way) and hope that she who has pretended to be stuck at home notices.

  13. It’s your move now…

  14. I’m hibernating. Wake me up when it gets warmer. Friggin’ cold weather!

  15. You just keep the white stuff up norf, Nobbles.

    I’,m surprised you didn’t tell her that she’d missed a bit!

  16. Just for you, MrsT, as you’re the only one on this blog who’ll appreciate it…nicked from the Beeb’s footie coverage.

    “Kenny, Wenger, Fergie, Redknapp and Boas sitting in a pub. Wenger goes up and buys the first round of drinks. Boas the second, Redknapp the third, Fergie the fourth. Kenny buys the next but Fergie complains “Where’s mine?!” Kenny replies “Sorry pal, this is the fifth round and you’re not in it.”

  17. That was in reply to your comment about the fifth round …… stupid laptop.

  18. Bad Moves – No36.

    Decided to try a different curry shop this evening.

    Not a good move – my chicken bhuna was a touch dodgy. I’m sure there was a bit of flea collar in what was supposed to be chicken.

    • I had samosas at work today. As I’ve said in a comment on an earlier post, whenever someone in the machine shop at work has a birthday they’re expected to buy samosas for everybody.

      I limited myself to two today because I knew I was eating out later but I was sorely tempted to have more

      150 big veggie samosas for £30? – you can’t beat that for value !

      Course, we had a bit of a set back some months ago when our samosa source was closed down – some trifling little matter of a dead body ( http://tinyurl.com/3whlgc ) but I’m happy to say we have since found an alternative source for our savoury snack !

  19. “HODGSONFORARSENAL”

    • G’day MrsT.

      I must admit to quite honestly not giving a flying fuck about football any more. Some twat was moaning on the BBC last night about the Arse being absolutely shocking last night “just like our season”, he whined.

      4th in the premiership aint so bloody bad – I bet Dalglish or another 15 managers would settle for that!

      The final straw for me was listening to that farce at Old Trafford last weekend. All the fucking media were interested in was who shook hands (or didn’t) with whom. The football just didn’t matter. Alan Green on Radio 5 summed it up, when he said that it all made him want to throw up.

      Couple that shit with Tales of Tevez, ‘appenings wiv ‘Arry, and that whining bastard Pulis moaning about his poor overworked team having to play on a Thursday and then again on Sunday, and it just confirmed that I’m sick of the whole fucking shower of ‘em.

      Even Dalglish has made an arse of himself over his public backing of the moronic Suarez…. and that’s something I never thought I’d even think about saying.

      Enough! Football is dead.

      • I ceased really following football when it went all poncified and banned good old-fashioned shoulder charges, two-foot sliding challenges (my speciality when I used to play for my school team), and squeezing your opponent’s nuts when defending a corner.

        As for Arsenal, free-flowing attacking football is great to watch, but they are never gong to achieve anything until they get themselves a decent defence – one that a bunch of geriatric, half-blind, lame pensioners can’t waltz through with impunity.

        The first step in building a solid defence is to assemble some players at the back that strike fear into opposing forwards – forcing them to lob high balls into the middle rather than risk close contact with a biting, spitting, gouging, head-butting, kick-the-legs-out-from-under-you-when-the-ref’s-not-looking defender

        Just saying !!!

  20. At this rate, I’m going to run out of sports to watch.

    I thought that when it came to class, David Haye could walk under a snake whilst wearing a top hat, but…..

    This is just pathetic…..

  21. “HODGSONFORCHELSEA”

    I think you can see where I’m going with this Nobbles. The southern based media went all out to get him installed as Liverpool manager, but they don’t seem to be pushing his ‘ english manager, 35/36 years experience, steady the ship, arm around the shoulder’ abilities when there could be vacancies arising with certain London teams. Strange.

    Get stuck in …….. I like those tactics Duncs, especially the nut crunchers :lol:

    Have they found him yet? David Haye?

  22. Is anyone up for joining in the fun with a rolling storyline if I can be arsed thinking up an idea to start one off?

  23. Unfortunately my Red Indian Guide has told me I am going to have internet problems.

  24. A little while ago (well, a very looooong time ago) nobbly promised us a rolling storyline.

    Since then . . .

    Nothing!

    He’s just full of shit. Errm, I mean, he has literary constipation. Writer’s block, as it’s known.

    So here I am, to help out with a few key words/phrases that will, hopefully, move him :

    Darling
    Yes?
    Sex
    Giggle
    Bum
    What?
    Ouch!
    Enough kids
    Too long in the navy
    Spaghetti flying monster (repeat)
    Off
    Slap
    Where?
    Pub
    You didn’t ?!?!
    Har, har, har!

    Hope that helps.

  25. We are bound to win the Eurovision song contest this year!

    Oh yes siree …. the one ….. the only ……..(drumroll please) ……..

    The (orange coloured) superstar of yesteryear ……MR ENGELBURT TRUMPERSTINK !!!!!

  26. Wow, so did I!

    Here are some anagrams of the 75 year old has-been (no, not ratty):

    Redneck blighter up men
    Phlegm cretin debunker
    Heckling perturbed men
    Humbler King precedent
    Peck unhinged trembler
    Bum pretender heckling
    The pleb rendering muck
    Bender heckling term up
    Tender gunk, prime belch
    Humbler gent, kind creep
    Plunder keen germ, bitch
    There! Redneck plumbing

  27. wasn’t vera lyn available ?

    • Do you mean ?

      Nyle Var
      Yarn Lev
      Lean Vry

      or . . .

      . . . aw, fuckit!!!

      • DAME Vera Lynn, please…

        Nervy and lame
        Envy alderman
        Nervy, mean lad
        Nervy and male
        Many lavender
        Learn mad envy
        Venal, randy me
        Darn’lame envy
        Very mean land
        Venal, mean, dry
        Darn! Male envy
        Ram, and evenly
        Any end marvel
        Damn! Real envy
        Envy darn meal
        Damn! Very lean
        Darn! Manly eve
        Lady, never man
        Even Maryland
        Never lay? Damn!
        Venal ‘n’ dreamy
        Even land army?
        Mend van early
        Venal army den
        Me randy navel!
        Navy aldermen
        Land every man
        May never land
        End manly rave
        Lavender ‘n’ May
        Amen! Dry navel
        My! A land? Never!

  28. Janis Joplin on Tina Turner in 1969:
    “Tina Turner… She’s the best chick… ever… fantastic singer, great dancer, fantastic show… she sings with the Ike and Tina Turner Revue. Ike is her husband and.. band leader… ahem… and… Tina’s the show… haha!”

    Janis seems to know more than she’s letting on.

    http://tinyurl.com/87x3uqo

  29. Janis Clip again:

    • Why does WP sometimes display links directly, sometimes display a clickable link, sometimes display nothing at all?
      Seems to be no rhyme or reason. There seems to be no difference between comments which use a tinyURL and those that use the original link.
      Can someone explain, or point me to the manual where it explains?
      And finally – Nobbly: Does this fit the definition of (a)Waffle, (b)Shite, (c)Both, (d)Neither, (e)Janis or (F***)None of the Before.

      • It’s confused me in the past (present and doubtless, future) as well.

        Youtube links posted directly into the comments box tend to display directly as the video box, Other links seem a bit more hit and miss as to whether they’re clickable or not. Aliased links such as tinyurl will always mask the actual link, which is why the initial youtube link didn’t display as a YT box, but as a clickable link.

        Personally, I never use tinyurl or the like, as I don’t like to ask people to click on a link without them knowing where it is taking them. I know (or at least I hope….) that people on here using it are not directing others to malware sites, so I don’t have an issue with it. Outside of this blog I make it a point never to click a tinyurl link if I don’t know who posted or emailed it.

        Sometimes a link may be too long to be practical, in which case I use the html code (a href= yourlinkhere)title text(/a) but replacing the open and close parentheses with open and close arrows to hide the link under the ‘title text’. That way the target URL is visible at bottom left when you hover over it, should you want to know where you’re going to.

        In answer to your other question; it fits whatever definition you wish it to fit.

  30. Hi, it’s me, Torri again, haven’t been in touch with you all, like, forever…………………missing you all alot, what’s new? Duncan, if I wanted to post a pic or something, how the heck would I do it?

  31. Right! Having emailed Torri, I will now risk ridicule by sharing the photo instructions with all and sundry.

    Start to write a comment on the Mad Hatters.

    Open another tab in your browser and go to http://www.imgur.com drag and drop the photo into the middle of the screen as instructed, and then hit the ‘start upload’ button.

    When it’s finished, look at the right hand side of the page and under the heading ‘Direct link (email and IM)’, click the symbol to the left of the address shown there. It will copy the address to your clipboard.

    Then go back to the comments box on our blog, and either right click and paste it, or hit CTRL-V to paste it into the comments box.

  32. Well it’s been one hell of a week and I think I’ve aged at least 10 years, but I couldn’t have got through it without the help of a very special friend.

    True friendship = Julie

    xxxx

  33. I’ll tell you the story (the shorter version) later, but can I just say, for someone who I have never met, who is just an ‘internet friend’ she has been my lifeline this past week and what she’s done for me and my family, well, I am never going to be able to repay her.

  34. Hi, Julie.

    I’ve read MrsT’s comments and it seems like you really are an Angel who puts others first.

    I too have a little problem, but it’s financial. I’m a bit short this month and the leccies been cut, and the water too, and . . . well, never mind, I’m sure something will come up!

    And to think a silly old tenner could put all this right.

    (??????)

    Your (longtime) pal, ratty

    xxxxxxxx

  35. Well here goes…..

    A few of you may remember that my daughter and grandchildren, flew off to pastures new (Julie’s land) , some time ago, hoping to start a new life. Unfortunately, the grass is not always greener, as they found out very quickly, The hope is that things would improve. It didn’t, it got worse, not just financially but personally as well.

    I didn;t know how bad the situation was until I received a very distressing message from my daughter last Sunday. The only thing I knew for sure was that I needed to get them back home. I went into serious panic mode. I needed to find money to get them home but first I needed to get them somewhere safe.
    I turned to Julie. Now over the last few months, I haven’t been much of an ‘internet friend’ to anybody and I could have quite understood if Julie had ignored my message or told me to bugger off. Thankfully Julie did neither and replied very quickly that she would help all she could and by god, she did that and more.

    She took them in and looked after them, kept them safe until she could get them on the plane home. She kept me informed every day of how things were going, in fact she kept me sane. I couldn’t have done this without her.

    One of the reasons I wanted to share this with you is because a few of us have been together on different sites over the last few years. As far as I know, none of us have actually met outside of the internet. We could all be mass murderers in our spare time! I mean Julie, Nobbly and myself are all short arses, that should tell you something ……

    Joking aside, we don’t really know what happens in the lives away from the computer of our ‘internet friends’ , but I also think by ‘talking’ to each other, like we do, you get a ‘feel’ for that person. I put my trust into that feeling I had of Julie and she didn’t let me down.

    What she has done for me and my family this past week, I can never repay. I can only keep offering my friendship, but, if I’m ever needed by Julie, I’d like to think that I could offer her the same kindness and compassion she showed me and mine.

    xxxx

  36. Glad to hear your daughter and grandkids are home safe, Mrs T and well done Jules for helping in the way she did.

  37. ” I mean Julie, Nobbly and myself are all short arses, that should tell you something ……”

    It tells people that we have our feet firmly on the ground. with our arses being not that far from it either.

    I’m truly glad that things worked out for you’n’yours, MrsT. Jules is one of a kind, and from what I know of her, a far better person than I’ll ever be.

    Best wishes.

  38. I’m so very pleased for you and your family MrsT, it must be a huge relief to have them back safe and sound.

    As for you Julie, you really are something else. I wish there were more like you. Fantastic!

    Now, about that tenner . . ?

  39. AHA … I’ve found the skinner (that’s gossip for you lot who don’t understand me) section …. HOW could I have missed it?

    MrsT – it was my pleasure to help – can I have them back now please ;-) ? No seriously, you really have the loveliest daughter and most adorable grandchildren, I am so happy that they are back home where they belong. (P.S. have they baffled you with their Afrikaans yet?).

    Ratty – could I send you a cheque?
    :lol: :lol: :lol:

  40. JFT96 YNWA xxx

  41. Stupid fingers. I put me real name in where it said ‘enter name’. But, some bugger decided to have a clean up of me laptop and deleted half me passwords. I have a job on remembering what bloody day it is nevermind trying to remember what password goes where!

    I’ve changed back to MrsT so I’ll probably be in the naughty corner again.

  42. “Now even unseen evidence from ‘psychics and dreamers’ will be re- analysed in effort to find Maddie
    Maddie McCann, aged three

    Around 100 pieces of information sent to Crimestoppers but never shared with Leicestershire investigators at the time have emerged on the fifth anniversary of her death.

    Did I miss something along the way? The fifth anniversay of her death? Pardon? Someone know something we should know? This was copied direct from the Daily Wail by the way!! One reporter on the dole tomorrow?

  43. “”, said Julie.
    “”, replied Duncan.
    Whereupon NobblySan, not to outdone, said “”.

  44. I can’t settle, I’m pacing up and down wearing out the wilton, the nails are chewed off ……. my new baby granddaughter is on the way! Hurry up will ya?

    Why is Nobbly’s hair blue?

  45. Baby Lily has arrived!

    I’m not sure about the way I was told though Duncs,a text from son saying check facebook! Oh well, I suppose it’s the way of the world nowadays, but I’m not sure new mum will like it when she sees it.

    • Hope mum and baby are well, Mrs T

      Like you say – it’s the way of the world now. If I want to know whether No 2 son is back in the UK and might be popping round to visit, I have to check out Facebook :roll:

  46. and right on topic here…

  47. Ahhh! Freedom!
    Nobbly’s away, on Holiday!
    Not speling misteak, nor grammatical crime,
    Nor logical error, nor eldritch rhyme,
    Nor mention of facebook, nor wearing of beard,
    Nobbly’s Oblige, is no more to be feared,
    With smilies and stylish emoticons at hand,
    and Youtube clips with giggling canned,
    We can say whatever we like,
    Let’s party all night,
    On Waffle and Shite! :oops: :lol: :roll: :wink: :shock: :grin:

  48. Another Parrot Larriot . . !

  49. Sorry to disappoint; but as mentioned elsewhere, I feel that I’ve overstepped a line and have been a right twat recently with some of my comments.

    So, post what you like, spelt and punctuated how you like, and in whatever version of English you like. It’s no skin off my nose…….as the little Jewish lad said to the doctor.

    • Well don’t be too hard on yourself – that’s our job
      ( or if you think hard about it – ratty’s job ? )

      Oh God! ratty I’m sorry I said that. I hope you’re not seriously wounded – will you ever forgive me – I only said it with the best intentions – and now it’s all gone WRONG – I might even have to take a holiday in wails Wales to prove how really sorry…

      • A holiday in Wales? I’m not that vindictive a man !

        Just wear a hair shirt for a month, say a few hail Marys’ and buy a pair of my heavily illustrated underpants (shipped by sea) and we’ll call it quits.

  50. BCC 23 Aug 2012: Breaking News – The captain and first-officer of an Air France flight has been hospitalized following an in flight emergency en route to Heathrow. Preliminary reports indicate the flight crew suffered hallucinations during the flight, forcing both crew members to seek medical attention. Luckily, there was a terrorist on board who was able to take the controls and land the aircraft safely in Tajikistan.
    “操你妈 Va te faire enculer 操你妈 tenir votre ane 操你妈” said an Air France spokesman concerning reports of a container ship sighted at 38,000 feet whilst over the Mediterranean. -Rooters

  51. Well, where has the summer gone …….. ok, maybe ours is starting this week, but it’s friggin September already, flippin years are flying by.
    I’ve only gone and got meself a full time job. I must be bloody mad, or I need the money, or both. I’ve even done some overtime …… I am bloody mad! The company must be mad as well …… they’ve put me name forward to do an NVQ. I don’t know what good it will do me or whether it’s worth the paper it’s written on but I was a little bit chuffed that they’d asked me if I wanted to do it. I was that chuffed, I started to fill in the form when I realised I’d filled it in wrong. You should have seen the crossings out, what a bloody mess. God knows what they thought when they finally deciphered it …… I could have failed before I’ve even begun!
    Oh well, onwards and upwards, as they say ………..

  52. You’ll be charging me double time Duncs with the pile I’ve got now!
    Well I’d better start doing me sarnies …….ham or cheese ……. decisions, decisions.

  53. This is not bloody funny ………..

    Made a cup of coffee yesterday, walked to the fridge with milk in one hand, spoon in the other.
    Guess which one I put in the fridge ……..

    Teatime yesterday.
    Making a salad sandwich, picked up the tomatoes, didn’t like the look of ‘em and said to myself …
    ‘ I’ve got to stop buying these bananas from Morrisons’ …….

    Tonight …… put the kettle on, picked up the teabags and tried to put them straight into the kettle …..

    I wouldn’t mind but I was making coffee!!!!

    I’m going loopy!

    • I’d guess that you put your left hand in the fridge, MrsT?

      You should give it a try – lettuce and banana sandwiches are really nice! (I wouldn’t put salad cream on, though). I’ve always found Morrisons’ bananas to be OK – they come from the Banana Triangle (hmm, that reminds me of a girl I used to know…). In Yorkshire, a Third World country.

      If you’d got the kettle on, I don’t imagine there’d be much room for anything else, even a few small teabags. Don’t let on I said this, but Duncan told me that you’re a lady with a ‘fuller figure’, so it must have been a bit of a tight squeeze?

      Ha! Ha! Ha! You should have put them in the coffee machine, then.

      Joking aside, MrsT, I think you might be suffering from some kind of anxiety disorder, caused by your new job. When you’ve been used to sitting on your fat arse all day having a lot of leisure time, it can come as a shock when you suddenly find yourself in the rat race, struggling to succeed amongst the backstabbers and powertrippers. Just stay away from the water cooler. And watch out for strange bearded men careering through the office on their swivel chairs, playing ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ on their laptop laptops.

      So, my advice, MrsT, for the sake of your mental stability, would be to stick the tumble dryer on, make yourself a nice cup of coffee, and put your feet up. Then you should sit at your sewing machine and send an email to your employers, telling them to stick their fucking job right up their…. …shoulders…?

  54. Banana sandwiches. now you’re talking, not sure about the lettuce.

    I wish I could blame it on going back to work but that won’t help seeing as I was already working part time.

    A fuller figure!!! Duncs knows I’m small, petite and a very,very,very nice person – dontcha Dunky Wunky?

    I told yer …… I;m going loopy!

  55. Cheeky bugger Duncan, you forgot me broom!

  56. What do you reckon to that Andrew Mitchell then, MrsT? He’s a stuck-up Eton cunt tosspot toff, isn’t he?

    Do you think he said those things, or do you reckon the pigs boys in blue (oo, doesn’t that sound camp!) have been busy re-writing their notebooks again?

    Anyway, when it comes to lack of credibility, it’s nothing more than a toss-up between the politicians and the police, isn’t it?

  57. Is it just me, or is anybody else seeing half the text in a different font than usual?

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