Free Ram – latest plan

by NobblySan

A few days ago, I had to break the news to Ram  that my plan to tunnel into his latest residence in order to rescue him, had been abandoned.

This was not my fault, as you can see from this extract from my explanation to him:-

“My attempts to tunnel under the Atlantic to rescue you met with disaster and bitter disappointment at the first step (or shovelful).

The British love for bureaucracy is only matched by our love for snooping on neighbours, and one of mine grassed me up to the local council for digging an unauthorised tunnel in the back garden.

Once the Oldham Metroplitan Borough Council Surveyors Department had paid me a visit and demanded an explanation, I was forced to disclose my plans (or rather, lack of them…). The uncharitable jobsworths demanded that I apply for planning permission for the tunnel, and the submission had to include detailed drawings and civil engineers reports.

I am not without skills in this area, and hastliy drafted a portfolio of drawings that I felt would meet with their approval:-

How wrong can a bloke be! They dismissed them out of hand, and demanded that the tunnel be filled in.

Fear not Ram, my friend. I will apply myself to devising another ingenious plan that will surely secure your release.

But first… another beer.”

Obviously, I was not at fault here, but had been thwarted in my gallant rescue attempt, by petty bureaucracy, enforced by small-minded local government employees.

Since then, brains have been wracked, nails have been chewed, midnight oil has been burned, and (fairly obviously) beer has been drunk.

The end result?

A new plan!

Whilst making coffee this morning in order to counter the after-effects of last night’s escape planning, I was perusing the BBC news site, and came across this article, inspired by a courageous attempt at a prison break by some splendid chaps of Central American origin.

I felt that this needed participation by all the Mad Hatters, and in order to put this plan into action, I have taken the liberty of ‘freeing-up’ some funds from the Free Ram beer kitty, and have bought some police uniforms, and a suitable vehicle.

The exact uniforms and vehicle that I specified were unavailable, but the company have kindly sent close alternatives at a slight extra cost.  However,  I am still confident that when we arrive at  Gravel Bay, we will blend in perfectly with the local law enforcement team, and that the attempt will be a success.

angliafancy dress

19 Comments to “Free Ram – latest plan”

  1. Ahem – another excuse for you to dress up in women’s clothing, Nobbly ? 🙄


  2. Send in nursemyra on a Friday ….. she’ll sweet talk the guards into letting Ram walk out the front door unaided ….

    Actually, NO, can that idea …. this fund is sorting out our “funds for alcohol problem” quite nicely …..


  3. can I drive???? 😉


  4. Of course you can, Nosey.

    Duncan can map-read for us.


  5. I don’t know? Can you? 😆


  6. of course – sarnie on one hand, bottle of diet coke in the other, fag hanging out of mouth and robbie williams playing at full volume! Just like a REAL pro 😉


  7. ….. and all whilst you’re applying eye liner, mascara and lipstick ….. YUP … a real pro …..


  8. robbie williams 😯

    what’s wrong wi’ Andy Stewart and ‘Donald whaurs yer troosers’ ? 😉


  9. NO ….. PLEASE …. just not THAT song again ……. is there a “Donald where’s yoor troosters” helpline anywhere?

    I just love playing Smokie in my car – the “added on” version of Living next door to Alice ….


  10. only one song really – got to be . . . . Steppenwolf and


  11. Well…plan “B” it is then and – once again – I am greatly appreciative of the effort and thoughtful planning.

    Having said that…I was wondering – once again – about timelines for potential action.

    While I hate to appear ungrateful I am becoming increasingly concerned by what some might view as the cumbersome and expensive administration functions related to the “escape team.” (There seems to be a considerable emphasis on the consumption of beer for example).

    And, while I greatly enjoy a Steppenwolf concert, Tex Avery Cartoon and discussions on crossdressing, I woud respectfully question whether or not they are “value added” distractions.

    Again, please don’t misinterpret, it’s just that I have been unconcerned about my behaviour here based on the assumption that rescue was at hand….and as a result I may have annoyed a few of the long-term residents.

    Hope to hear from you soon with a “timeline for action”

    And Nobbly, I thought your plan was brilliantly detailed. As I mentioned to you before, when I was planning to build an addition at the Food Here, I prepared a business plan for the bank that had similiar qualities. I found it and have loaded it here (it’s no longer “top secret”). Honestly, if the banks won’t approve this kind of plan, what use are they at all?


  12. A most excellent plan, dude!

    ….and the first time that I’ve ever seen butter tarts featured in a SWOT analysis.

    Respect is due!


  13. I will attempt to generate a GANTT chart or similar in order to convince you of our commitment to the urgency of the situation.


  14. Nobbly – you never seen butter tarts in a swot analysis???? 😯 which planet are you on? 😉


  15. It’s not a common thing ‘down our way’.

    Come to think of it… I’ve never heard of a butter tart before.


  16. pppsssst – don’t tell anyone but neither have i 😳 😉


  17. It must be a Convenience Store thing…

    Maybe we should buy some while we’re over there on the rescue mission.


  18. and who are you calling pppsssst?

    I’ve only had a couple of glasses this evening.

    A Californian red – rather nice, actually.


  19. Never heard of butter tarts? A shame indeed. From my good friends at the “Joy of Baking”

    Butter tarts are unique to Canada and consist of flaky pastry shells that are filled with a sweet mixture of butter, brown sugar and eggs. Some say they descend from the American pecan pie or even the British treacle tart, although history neither confirms nor denies these claims.

    (Once again History fails to be of any use…)


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