Pet Hates in the Workplace

by Julie

I work in a predominently male environment, it’s no wonder I’m the way I am!!


A couple of peeves that I have :

a)  If the tea-lady is not there, dudes – don’t call me to make you tea, I hold a higher position than you do – MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN TEA!!  (Oh, and P.S. wash your frigging dishes after you – your soft, tender hands will not melt in the water – you bunch of filthy, lazy arse woosies!!!)

b)  If you do happen to have a bad dose of the squirts while at work, point no. 1 to remember is that my office is two doors away from your throne – could you take the radio in there to drown the splats?

c) After said splat has decorated the entire toilet, there IS a bottle of air freshner (turn around – you may spot a squirty bottle on the back of the loo) – do be so kind as to try and disguise the wafts that sneak down the passage after you’ve come out, forgotten to close the door – and expect me to sit in your bodily odours ….

d) If you suddenly realise in your marathon dash to the bog, that YOUR toilet paper has run out, kindly DO NOT hijack the bog roll out of the ladies loo, and then act like it was none of you.  I have yet to come across a bog roll with wings!!

e)  Letting rip with your best manly fart in the offices IS NOT COOL!!!

f) If you’d like to make toast in the snackwich machine – perhaps you should try and remember that you actually put it in there – before I get engulfed of smoke billowing out the kitchen from your burnt toast!

I could carry on for a while here – truly I’m surprised that some of the men in my office have reached their next birthdays, however it’s now your turn …… what really miffs you off in your office?


17 Comments to “Pet Hates in the Workplace”

  1. “…… what really miffs you off in your office?”

    Women…moaning about normal manly working practices.


  2. I mean…. e)…what’s the big deal with farting?

    No use denying it – there is something intrinsically humourous about farts. At my last company, one of the best afternoons ever was when someone discovered this.


    • I was just about to go and get in bed, and now I have these hysterical giggles that just wont go away – thanks Nobbles, that is just soooo funny – I could use it quite conveniently to pay back some of those guys in my office – set off one of those sounds just as they walk in, and pretend like nothing is happening … the problem would be for me to try and keep a straight face ….


  3. folk wi’ nae sense o’ humour !

    I get bored easily at work

    I need folk in my office to give me certain information to enable me to do my job properly. I allow them a certain amount of time to do so – and then I pin them down and demand the information I need

    Because I’m a lazy arse, I’ve taken to wheeling my chair up the office to their desk – with my laptop in tow

    Out of boredom, I started assigning a particular song to each of the people in the office and playing that tune on my laptop as I head in their direction.

    Since they know when I’m heading towards them I want answers, it seemed appropriate to choose music that conveyed an impending threat. So for one guy, I play the theme song from Jaws when I’m heading in his direction. For another guy, I play the Imperial March for Star Wars. For one of the girls, I play the music from the shower scene in Psycho. You get the picture ?

    If nothing else, it’s livened up the office a bit. Everyone loves it.

    Today, one of the girls – who I don’t particularly like, and to whom I had not yet assigned an appropriate piece of music – asked me if she could have her own ‘theme tune’ to signify when I wanted something of her

    I suggested the music accompanying Cruella De Vil from 101 Dalmations

    Everyone else thought it was funny, but she didn’t speak to me the rest of the afternoon ! 🙄


  4. I hate lazy people. People who are too lazy to make a decision. Lazy people who are too lazy to get off their fat lazy arse but prefer me to sort out a problem by rapping on my office door and, in the process, waking me up.


  5. I’m with you, Julie. I think you should take a flamethrower to work with you.


  6. I love the idea of the lighted match – problem is I’d probably get blown up in the process – these dudes have no shame or self-control!!


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