by ratty
Methane-MoleculeMethane gas in the Arctic is a ticking “Time Bomb” say scientists.

It states, and I quote ”Scientists say that the release of large amounts of methane from thawing permafrost in the Arctic could have huge economic impacts for the world.”

It also goes on to say “The researchers estimate that the climate effects of the release of this gas could cost $60 trillion (£39 trillion), roughly the size of the global economy in 2012.”

Well, excuse me, but if we’re talking large amounts of dosh like that, maybe we should be looking closer to home for a solution. I don’t know about you, but I see no reason to go rushing into the Arctic, trudging through vast regions of snow, ice and sludge, cracking whips and shouting “Mush” through frost-bitten lips, just to sort out something that has really nothing to do with us, (did we learn nothing from Iraq or Afghanistan?)

Rather, I suggest we reduce the emission of domestically produced methane, thence the danger from the Arctic’s supply, spread over the entire planet, would, effectively, be neutralised.

But how? I hear you ask.

To answer that, I need only draw your attention to a paragraph in the above mentioned article, “Previous blah, blah, that blah, blah, blah, diminishing blah, blah, blah, in the East Siberian sea is allowing the waters to warm and the methane to leach out. Scientists have found plumes of the gas up to a kilometre in diameter rising from these waters.”

“UP TO A KILOMETRE IN DIAMETER !” Now that may lead you to believe that your methane producing fart in the bath is inconsequential. But try to look at the overall picture, there are just over 59 million people in the UK, each of us producing an average of 14 methane-contaminated farts a day, that’s 59 million farts x 14. Looked at in that light, the realisation comes that that’s not something to be sniffed at.

So, my solution is for all of us to pull together, and refrain from breaking wind in the bath, if not for ourselves, then for the sake of our children, and our children’s children.

Thank you for your kind attention.

15 Comments to “Methane”

  1. “refrain from breaking wind in the bath” …. I agree! It makes one helluva noise …. rather do it outside …


  2. I’ve added a Pic to your post, ratty – so it stands out more on the page and catches a reader’s eye


  3. A British General retires from his long service with the Indian army and returns to Blighty. With him he brings his faithful man-servant, Biddle.

    On arrival at his family’s stately pile, he feels the now unfamiliar coldness of the English weather.

    “Run me a bath” he tells his man servant, which he obligingly does, before retiring to the servant’s quarters.

    The General lowers himself into the steaming water and finds his muscles unwind and relax. Relaxing to the extent that he lets out an involuntary fart.

    The man servant bursts in through the door carrying a canteen, dripping with tap water.

    “The hell you doing” shouts the General, “get out !”

    The man servant retreats, apologetically saying “forgive me, but I could have sworn I heard you shout ‘what about a water bottle, Biddle’.”


  4. it’s true what they say then, ratty – an ill wind blows no-one any good !


  5. Wi’ apologies tae Rabbie Burns . . .

    Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
    Lurks in your belly efter the feastie
    Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
    There sterts to stir an enormous wind
    The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
    Stert workin like a gentle breeze
    But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
    Will have ye blawin all ower the place

    Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
    A’body’s gonnae hiv tae pay
    Even if ye try tae stifle
    It’s like a bullet oot a rifle
    Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
    Tae try and stop the leakin air
    Shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek
    Prae tae God it doesnae reek

    But aw yer efforts go assunder
    Oot it comes like a clap o thunder
    Ricochets aroon the room
    Michty me a sonic boom
    God almighty it fairly reeks
    Hope I huvnae shit my breeks
    Tae the bog I better scurry
    Aw whit the hell it’s no ma worry

    A’body roon aboot me chokin
    Wan or two are nearly bokin
    I’ll feel better for a while
    Cannae help but raise a smile
    Wiz him! I shout with accusin glower
    Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
    Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
    A dinnae feel welcome any mair

    Where e’ere ye go let yer wind gan’ free
    Sounds like just the job fur me
    Whit a fuss at rabbie’s party
    Ower the sake o one wee farty


  6. So, it would appear that the problem is related to people farting in the East Siberian sea, rather than in their bath at home in Dewsbury, or Godalming, or some other god forsaken place that isn’t in Lancashire.

    Well, bollocks to that! I’m off for a Lamb Jalfrezi with a Pershwari naan and a couple of bottles of Guinness. Then I’ll run a bath.


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