Who the F*ck needs Maths ?

by duncanr

mathsIt may be different now but when I was at school in Scotland in the 60’sa wee while ago I took ‘O’ level exams in Arithmetic, and Maths

The former tested a knowledge of adding, subtracting, dividing, and multiplying

The latter tested knowledge of utter useless shite (unless one was going to . . . pursue a career as an engineer) as logarithms, algebra, geometry

Be honest – how may folk, since leaving school, have had occasion to solve a quadratic equation or consult a table of logarithms?

B*gger all, I bet !

Of all the subjects I was forced to learn in school, maths is probably the most useless never applied skill I was taught

The basics of a good education in Scotland used to be summarised as learning the 3 ‘Rs’ – reading, writing, and ‘rithmetic

The Labour party in the UK has unveiled proposals to make the teaching of Maths compulsory for children until the age of 18 – in a move designed to “get young people ready for the workplace” (http://tinyurl.com/np5hnyu)

What utter bollocks !

I have been a cleaner, shop assistant, farm labourer, teacher, researcher, adviser to the government, machinist, and other things besides – and not once have I needed to use the ‘maths’ I was taught at school

Seems to me that when politicians talk about the importance of kids learning “maths”, they really mean what Scots call “Arithmetic”

And let’s face it – once you know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide, then you know it. You don’t get better at it by being forced to do it repeatedly until you are 18 yr old

This is just another cynical populist measure to try and secure votes

21 Comments to “Who the F*ck needs Maths ?”

  1. I hate to be pedantic… BUT…

    Firstly, as every engineer knows, ‘adding, subtracting, dividing, and multiplying’ were rendered obsolete with the invention of the slide rule, which therefore leaves only mathematics and grammar as legitimate intellectual pursuits.
    If you don’t believe me, try this test… ask NobblySan to multiply 3 and 4. He will whip out his slide rule, and then, as soon as he’s found his glasses, will manipulate the instrument rapidly, and simply read off the answer… “very nearly 12”

    Secondly, ‘Maths’ ends with an ‘s’, and is therefore plural. So you can’t say ‘Maths is’. You have to say either ‘math is’ or ‘maths are’. Only the English do not know this. So who’s side are you on?


    • Hhmmm, by that reasoning ‘physics’, too, is plural because the word ends with the letter ‘s’ and one should say physic is a subject taught at school rather than physics is a subject taught at school

      After giving the matter serious thought, I think i’ll stick with my preferred way of speaking


    • 3 and 4, eh?

      Ooh, hang on – I’ve seen this one before. Just give me a minute will you.

      Where’s that fucking slide rule? I had it yesterday when I was using it to give the cat a tablet.

      Ah! There it is. I’ll just get the bits of wormer off it, and I’ll be right there with the answer.

      Bollocks – it won’t slide, the teeth marks are stopping it moving.

      Anyway, as we all know – 3 and 4 makes 34: Unless you’re stood in front of a mirror, in which case it makes 43.


      • I sense a victory of sorts…
        What’s the bet Nobbly’s been up all night trying to find his old slide rule?
        “Bollocks… There’s no way I would have thrown it out… too much sentimental value… fucking ScotsAustralians… Are you sure you never saw it when you went through the attic last spring?…


  2. school curriculum?s? have always been a tad peverse


  3. I was always shit at mental arithmetic until my parents hit on the solution. They bought me a dartboard.

    They were mean buggers – what I really wanted was a snooker table.

    In no time at all, I could add the totals, subtract it from whatever score I was on, and then calculate the required total, leaving a finish on a double.

    Maybe Miliband would be better off introducing darts onto the national curriculum.


  4. Apologies for the lack of asterisks in my previous comments.

    Honestly, my language is fucking disgraceful.


  5. Q. Why was the maths student not paying attention to what his sexy teacher was telling the class?

    A. He was having a sly drool.


Leave a Reply to NobblySan Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: