4 hour Erections from Tesco

by duncanr

banana1a woman in Wales was shocked to discover a bunch of bananas bought in her local Tesco was infested with a cocoon of Brazilian Wandering Spiders – whose bite can cause men to have erections lasting up to 4 hours – http://tinyurl.com/qe3ylc9

in related news, Tesco stores throughout the UK report a huge rise in the number of female shoppers buying bananas !

9 Comments to “4 hour Erections from Tesco”

  1. There is a belief that the way some plants resemble parts of the human body signifies that they have a positive medicinal effect on that particular area. I believe this is accurate at least in the case of walnuts, which look uncannily like tiny brains: walnuts contain a compound which strengthens the protective myelin sheath surrounding nerves, part of the nervous system, as is the brain. Anyone who is suffering from anxiety and depression would be well advised to include them in their diet on a regular basis.

    When I was searching for examples, I came across this: http://tinyurl.com/ond5u4j. You must read the paragraph headed INTRODUCTION!

    Anyway, about bananas (and erection-promoting spiders that live in them) . . . .

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    • Dear Nurse Sticky,

      I am getting increasingly anxious about the number of Walnut Whips that I’m eating in a bid to reduce my levels of anxiety.

      What do you suggest?

      Regards,

      Wally Nutjob.
      Lower Fretting-Overham
      Norfolk

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  2. Dear Mr Nutjob

    I feel your anxiety stems from a punishment complex, possibly associated with a suppressed part of a repressed childhood – hence the whipping association.

    I can refer you to a good friend and colleague of mine, Nurse Schadenfreude, who may refer you on to one of her therapists – a man who wields a wicked whip, and has been known to wear women’s underwear himself. Unfortunately, he lives abroad, so you may have to wait until he is next in the country, visiting Aberdeen . . .

    Regards

    Sticky Patch, SRN

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  3. My banana stays erect for a lot longer than 4 hours. Yours can, too.

    The idea is to keep it out of sunlight, preferrably in the fridge, where it should stay firm for at least two days.

    Other things to avoid to maintain its rigidity is to ensure that you never drop it down hard on a kitchen work surface or leave it on public display in a bowl.

    Handling is very important too. Too much hand contact will eventually make it go soft and NEVER pull back the skin as this will tend to turn it black.

    Sticky, your reference to plants resembling body parts, especially that of the Walnut resembling the brain, makes me wonder how big your brain is.

    Right, that’s me done. I’m off to eat two hard-boiled eggs.

    Like

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