WARNING: Wolves in Denmark

by allthoughtswork

It’s official, there’s all kinds of biting and howling going down in Denmark. And not just in the bedroom.

Image result for wolf funny

Denmark’s wilderness is wolfen once again. After hundreds of years being wolf-free, it’s now necessary to watch where you step when hiking the glorious Danish backwoods. (Wolf doo is more potent than dog doo, it takes a flamethrower.)

Now, they probably came for the mutton but don’t assume you aren’t on the menu just because you have a pocket knife and titanium-tipped hiking poles. To a wolf, you are just prime rib at the end of a selfie stick.

Served on sesame seed buns.

Image result for denmark naked hiking

So, brush up your anti-wolfing skills. Don’t whine, don’t bark, don’t look like Leonard DiCaprio. Don’t have any obvious chew toys or tennis balls on your person. If you must relieve yourself, don’t lift one leg at a tree, that’s a dominance posture, they’ll rip your nuts off to maintain the hierarchy. Ladies, no cat eye make up on the trail and for god’s sake, leave the cute knitted cap with the Pikachu ears at home. Also, red capes with large hoods are strictly verboten. Don’t be skinny, yet wear sheepskin, wolves will not appreciate the irony. But try not to look too succulent, either: No exposed skin, no bacon for breakfast, no pudgy American hiking partners. Don’t tempt Cerberus.

On the other hand….

Image result for fat hiker meme

 

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