Yeah, right

by allthoughtswork

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I knew my uncle was full of shit. When anal-retentive narcissists retire, they pick up weird hobbies like Linux and Genealogy.com. According to the most insecure man on Earth, our family descended from the Mayflower crowd and I qualify to join Daughters of the American Revolution. Yeah, right.

Let’s think this through. First of all, who gives a shit? Even in the remote chance that this is true, how does this help me buy gas? It’s not like they hand you a check and say, “Congratulations, some of your important relatives fucked.” Hell, no. In fact, the DAR asks you for money just to get published on their List. If I’m a member by birth, what are the fees for? It’s like churches asking for tithes from people already saved.

Second, who gives a shit? This is the worst possible time in history to trot out one’s extensive and elaborate white past. Being able to sunburn in ten minutes may have saved me from racial profiling in America but it sure as hell didn’t spare me the 147 incidents of groping, gender discrimination, and attempted date rapes, now did it?

Third, who gives a shit? Really. Nobody thought once about anything on their body smaller than that suspicious mole on their ass until now and suddenly things invisible to the naked eye determine their worth as human beings. For god’s sake, people, stop resting on the laurels of relatives you never met, get off the fucking couch, and do something worth talking about in THIS lifetime.

Get a hobby, already. Just stay away from Genealogy.com.

Image result for dna testing

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