I’ll see your crazy and raise you a psycho

by allthoughtswork

Finally a hat I can get behind

One of these conspiracy theory people used to stock fruit in my natural foods store. We were friends for a while, always chatting each other up and laughing. Then one day, out of the blue, she just blurted out, “That’s why chem trails are so dangerous.”


“Chem trails.”

“What are chem trails?”

“You know those chemical trails jets leave in the sky, those white lines? The government is pumping mind-altering neurotoxins into the atmosphere to control–”

“I think those trails are actually ice crys–”

“No! They’re toxins! The government has been doing it for years. They’ve been altering the weather and poisoning organic crops because they know organic will defeat conventional produce one day and the big corporate farms will lose money. And they don’t want anyone to know about it. You know when one of those white lines lasts a long time? Like, the other ones dissipate but one lasts forever and just sort of hangs up there for hours? That’s the chemicals: they’re targeting an area. If you see that, get inside quick and close your windows.”

She was waving an organic banana around as she talked, literally drawing insane conclusions in the air.

You know that moment when something inside you shifts and you realize you are no longer standing in a safe place? I felt it powerfully at the top of the World Trade Center towers before 9/11 and I was feeling it again now.

I smiled at her and left. She seemed so normal, that’s what got me. You would have never guessed there were six kinds of crazy in that one pair of tie-dyed pants. I mean, this was Portland, but come on.

Thank goodness my regular grocery expanded their organic produce section; I only have to deal with Republicans there and I can usually see them comin’.

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One Comment to “I’ll see your crazy and raise you a psycho”

  1. Yeah? Well I admire your trusting nature, even though you should have learned by now to never trust the guvment.
    It’s proven see – they’ve been making chem trails since the invention of the steam engine, (which is probably the real reason they invented those anyway).
    There’s paintings from the 18th century which clearly show they were putting them chem trails up there even back then. How do you explain that, huh?
    But anyways. There’s no cause to panic. I reckon it’s only a matter of time before Trump fixes the chem trails by making them illegal (except over the border to control immigrants of course)

    Billy-chuck Ray-bob III Jnr


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