In Nucla, CO, you must own a gun by law

by allthoughtswork

Image result for stupid gun cartoon

Yes, it’s true. And, yes, it’s moronic to the point of inbreeding.

I’ve been to Nucla. I was passing though on my way to Moab, UT, and the town sheriff tailgated me illegally about a foot from my bumper and then pulled me over. He grilled me mercilessly about my alleged drug dealing. I squinted at him as if his stupidity gave off some kind of glare.

He pointed out that I parked for a full five minutes back there on “his” highway. I said, yeah, I used a pull-off to take a picture of the town’s welcome sign.

Image result for nucla colorado town sign

Pretty sure I located the grouch but I didn’t tell him that.

I asked him calmly if he wanted me to drive back there and demonstrate for him (I did NOT ask him what the fuck any of this had to do with drugs). This seemed to shut him up but he gave me a ticket, anyway, for driving two miles over the speed limit in an attempt to avoid him hitting the back of my truck.

The Nucla courthouse, a minuscule pile of concrete and oppression, fucked up the processing of said ticket, claiming I didn’t fill out and send in the form I, in fact, filled out and sent in. I was on a road trip, my one vacation all year, and had already driven 500 miles before they finally decided I had to drive all the way back to their shithole, pissant town and fill it out again.

I drove back. On my vacation. 500 miles. Through this shit.

Image result for paradox valley colorado


Standing in that stuffy building once more, I watched a grey-faced secretary rummage for forty minutes through a filing system updated in 1957 and, lo, and behold, there was the form I filled out. Zero apology. I paid it right there (you can’t argue with stupid, especially when stupid is packin’) and left, fuming. I fumed through three states.

So, yeah, Nucla sucks. I hope it dies a slow, painful death. Tick, tock.

Image result for gun stupid meme



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