Anton d’Eque RIP

by sticky

It is with great sadness that MH have learned of the demise of great British anton - Copypopular entertainer Anton d’Eque.

From his humble origins as a childhood mime artist in Byker Working Mens’ Club, Anton achieved World Status in the field of popyular entertee-anment.

He was spotted at an early age, and signed up for the new gritty tv soap opera ‘By Kergrove’, set in the eponymous Noocassel dormitory toon. The drama was so popular that Anton had to assume a disguise and an alter ego, PJ Duncan, when out and about in the city centre, in order to avoid being mobbed by adoring fans.

Unfortunately, this pseudonym caused him some embarrassment (and injury) when he was booked to appear at the Palais Theatre in Soonderland, and he was bottled off stage by an angry crowd of fans (somebody shouted “Duncan!”, and they all hit the d’Eque) expecting a thrilling intellectual female musician and singer: the theatre’s bookings manager had, of course, confused the genial geordie with PJ Harvey (“Well, they’av booth gut PJs and a man’s nee-am fur a soornee-am” was his excuse as he was baseball-batted out onto the street).

Despite this humiliation, Anton’s star continued to rise, and he was soon selected to host ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out A Beer!’ He later mused that half of him wanted to do it, and the other half didn’t. However, this post-pub hit attracted such huge sponsorship from the brewing industry, that Anton was able to move out of his terrace house and into a mansion in the posh area of Jesmond, marrying his schooldays sweetheart, Jill Grain, along the way. He later joked: “When I was a child star, I always wanted to be on Grange Hill, but at least now I get to be on Grain, Jill!”

Unfortunately, the constant exposure to booze resulted in Anton developing a severe addiction, and he was frequently in A&E having his stomach pumped; such that he opened an account there. Venturing outdoors would often find him hailed as ‘PJ Drunken’ by local youths. His confusion was revealed when he met Amy Winehouse on a rehab residential at the Priory, where he pestered her so much for a prosecco or a chablis that he had to be evicted.

Anton’s problems didn’t prevent him from expanding his entertainment portfolio though, and he was soon presenting the weekly game show ‘Britain’s Got Tarrant’, based upon the career of the legendary Brian Tarrant, who had been an inspiration to the young d’Eque with his Saturday morning children’s show ‘Wotsit’. Indeed, at one point he was said to be in line to take over from the Great Man, hosting the mega-smash ‘Who Wants To Be A Dilly On-Air?’

In 2009, a cloud was cast over d’Eque’s career, when some of his show’s dancing girls sold their stories to a certain tabloid newspaper. Lurid tales of backstage groping accompanied the banner headline ‘All-Hands-On’ d’Eque! D’Eque’s wife threatened him with divorce, but he promised her that he would never go against the Grain.

More success followed and, although in two minds about it, d’Eque agreed to host the new ‘Anton d’Eque’s Friday Night Takeaway’. Another post-pub show, the format was that viewers would vote on the variety and amount of fast food and off-licence booze that Anton could consume before chucking up. And more sponsorship from the booze industry was useful for paying the Priory’s ever-increasing fees.

Sadly, the diet of alcohol and junk food took its toll on the star, and his system could take no more. ‘Anton d’Eque’s Friday Night Takeaway’ has been shelved, and it doesn’t look as though it can continue without this great talent (they would have to change the name, anyway).

Although some say that his career was a car crash, he will be sadly pissed missed.

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11 Comments to “Anton d’Eque RIP”

  1. “Sadly, the diet of alcohol and junk food took its toll”

    This screws up all my plans.

    Like

  2. ‘Takeaway’ show cancelled?

    some good has come out of this incident then!

    Like

  3. Soah! Tha lads goan an deed has he leek?

    Man – ah’ll drink tae that.

    Pass us a bottle ah broon, leek.

    Like

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