A few thoughts on children

by allthoughtswork

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3 Comments to “A few thoughts on children”

  1. everyone should have kids – if you don’t have any, invent a few imaginary ones

    kids are a great excuse to leave a boring party early without causing offence – great party, lovely to see you all again but baby sitter just called – little [insert name here] just been sick. Must dash!

    if anyone declines an invite to attend an event with you, citing a sick kid/unable to get babysitter/date clashes with school or social event involving their kid – that’s a disguised message that they don’t like you and thought of spending time in your company fills them with dread

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    • I met a fun guy at the beach who had the perfect solution for ornery children pissing you off at the supermarket. You wait until the parent is out of earshot–it won’t take long since nobody monitors nor controls their child, anymore–and then say in a slow singsong voice, “Satan…Satan…Satan…Satan!”

      Any kid under six will latch onto that and repeat it about a million times before the day is out. Just wait until the grandparents hear little Johnny’s new song! It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

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