How to play Patriarchy Chicken and win

by allthoughtswork

you talkin to me chicken

via

Here are the rules.

  1. Be a woman.
  2. Walk in a crowded place.
  3. When a man approaches, hold to your path, let HIM move aside for YOU.
  4. Keep walking.

Stop rolling your eyes, this is radical stuff for a gender that’s been taught to squeeze over, give way, cede their position, and generally take up as little space on planet Earth as is humanly possible. You know, to be nice. That shit erodes your self-esteem little by little over time like a million hands wearing down a banister.

Fuck that.

I’ve been reigning champ at Sidewalk Chicken for a long time but I’m not a dick about it. There are general rules of engagement as well as extenuating circumstances: Stay to the right, give a little extra space for the one carrying six large bags, watch out for the drunk toddlers running ahead of their catatonic parents, etc. In my world, everybody has the same cred.

Hey…I don’t give a shit if this IS the text of your life, numbnuts, you’re crossing a street now, look up from the Gawd. Damned. Phone.

I’ll cut a pretty undeniable trail through any space, I’ve made packs of teenagers part like the Red Sea, male and female. All you have to do is remove eye contact, stop, and stand stock still. If both parties are moving, it’s your word against theirs who bumped into whom but if you’re stationary and they plow into you, well, nobody blames the lamp post for their cracked smartphone. Numbnuts.

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