If Portland turns into Hollywood, I’m gonna have to move

by allthoughtswork

Image result for movie camera lens facing forward


Many years ago, I met two guys on top of a hill in a cemetery playing with their new GoPro drone. It was the first drone I ever saw. They were cameramen for Grimm.

A few years after that, I’m walking down a street before dawn…

(Your city is never as peaceful or sweet-smelling as it is between 3 A.M. and 5 A.M., try it.) and I see an entire parking lot jammed with strange white, windowless trailers. The forlorn security guard sitting in his beater car tells me they’re actor’s trailers for a movie shoot. He won’t tell me which one.

Last month, I saw the same type of trailers clustered at the edge of the Sandy River–one of those rivers lined with dirty grey beaches and poor white trash and capped with a rusting bridge. Very photogenic if you’re going for sad.

I thought Portlandia was a flash in the pan but, nope, we’re rising quickly through the ranks of Weird and Edgy Places to Shoot Wide Angle. I’m torn, because the revenue is nice for the area but this means I not only have to scan the skies for drones before I go hiking, I have to contend with twitchy, coffee-infused assistant directors who want me to “walk through the shot again, but this time with more agitation, you’re perfect B-roll for the Rapist in the Woods episode.”

I’ll give you agitation, you shrill blonde monkey….

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2 Comments to “If Portland turns into Hollywood, I’m gonna have to move”

  1. I love that time between 3-5am

    I’m an early riser and generally take the dogs out around 3.30 each morning – just me, the dogs, the occasional fox, and the birds beginning to sing – it’s a magical time!

    the rest of the world is still abed – at least in my neighbourhood – and for a few hours I enjoy the stillness and peace; the feeling of tranquility witnessing the transition of another night into day in the company of animals before the troubles and concerns of awakening humans clamour for attention

    p.s. I won’t ask what you are doing walking the streets at that time of a morning


    • Like you, I’m just “walking the dog.” Man, it’s tough to keep up with all the euphemisms you young ‘uns churn through.

      I’m hiking. I hike at dawn in the summer time. That way, I avoid people, the sweltering heat, and people–the three most horrifying aspects of July, August, and September.


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