Next weekend’s fun’n’games cancelled

by NobblySan

Every year, a bunch of mates and myself have a day of pub-going, based around a walk and a train trip of some sort. My friend – for security reasons, we shall refer to him as “Mr. Brown”  – is the organiser.

Next Saturday, the plan was to get the train from Manchester to Todmorden, have a pub-based breakfast, and then walk the six miles or so to Hebden Bridge (via a pub or two). We would then visit several of the local hostelries, have something to eat in one of them, and slowly, contentedly, zig-zag our way to the station to return home.

Unfortunately, MI6 must have been monitoring our discussions regarding the breakfast menu in Wetherspoons, and the COBRA committee decided to act.

Our plan to spread the good, honest, Lancashire strain of Covid-19 to West Yorkshire was rumbled, and Johnson, as upper-class eloquent as ever,  put a stop to it with the following announcement.





17 Comments to “Next weekend’s fun’n’games cancelled”

  1. That’s a load of lies !

    Everyone knows that Johnson doesn’t comment on, or issue advice until AFTER the event.


  2. Comedian Jon Richardson lives in Hebden Bridge, and has got his own ‘pub’ (The Dog and Bastard).

    You could have really pissed him off by dropping in for a pint.


  3. Sorry that I’ve ben absent for a few days, guys.

    The truth is, I took the decision to put myself into self-corontine.

    I mean, we all hear about these viruses that can infect our computers.

    Well, OK then, that and the fact that I closed my laptop with my ear-phones still lying on the keyboard, thus fucking up my monitor.

    Now that everything has been repaired, you can rest assured that ratty will return and, like before, bore the shite out of you.

    Hasta la vista (as they say in France)


  4. Hidden GB Beer

    Hmmm . . . you could be right, with your MI5 conspiracy, Nobbly. They obviously don’t want you guys going there.


    • You could be onto something.

      It wouldn’t have been hidden for long, if our team of trusty Beer Hounds had got on the scent.

      But shhhh . . . we may have said too much. They are sure to be listening.

      Quick! Whistle nonchalantly and sidle away.


      • Don’t know about beer, but I fancy getting some fish ‘n’ chips tomorrow evening (combining my daily exercise with obtaining essential food items). I hope the place is open, or I will be rather pissed off.


        • Damn it, man!

          We need to be told – was the chippy open?


          • Hmm – no reply, Nobbly.

            I think he’s got a chip on his shoulder.


          • Well, it wasn’t the chippy so much as my preferred local kebab shop, but they do fish ‘n’ chips as well. First time i’ve had them from there, and they were OK. Batter still wasn’t as good as your average chippy’s though.

            They had a notice up, saying only one customer in the shop at a time (I was the only customer anyway), and the guy who served me looked like Darth Vader.

            Talking of ‘chippies’, I discovered that Homebase are still open, so I went there this morning for some wood I need, and didn’t get earlier due to being surprised by the sudden order to stay at home, and B&Q, Travis Perkins and Wickes suddenly closing. They had plenty of customers, too.

            I found out last night that they were still opening, due to a an online petition I saw from one of their staff members, calling on the govt to make them close, as they are putting their employees at risk!

            I was a bit mercenary I suppose, but they are taking the piss.

            Still, where else would people buy the gear for their beach barbecues?


  5. or, or . . . somebody took offence at seeing him walking about and battered him.

    There’s definitely something fishy going on.


    • He is a bit of a pudding, though.

      He may have tried to curry favour with his assailant and failed to ap-peas-e him.


      • sticky should have kicked his attacker in the Cods and put him in his Plaice, rather than waste his time on mushy peace talks.


        • Well, as I was walking back home, eating my fish ‘n’ chips, singing ‘Rock Salmon’ by the Police, I was stopped by the police. Not because I was out on the street, but because I was murdering one of their songs.

          “Da doo doo doo do you think you are, singing that so badly?” said the plod (who, unfortunately, had a stutter), “You’ve got a chip on your shoulder!”

          I turned my head to the side, and rolled my eyes back. He was right. Somehow, a small gust of wind had picked up one of my chips, and deposited it on my shoulder!

          As I was about to remove it, the copper obliged: “If you don’t mind, sir, I’ll take that – haven’t eaten all shift!”

          He continued: “We’re out looking for a suspect who battered somebody around here recently – have you seen anybody suspicious?”

          “You would be able to apprehend the perpetrator if you haddock clue what you were doing. It might be the bloke in there who looks like Darth Vader” I replied “He battered this fish pretty badly earlier on, and sheesh! he seems like a dab hand at skewering! Doner what else he might have been up to, but he had a chilli demeanour – it’d be a pitta to let him get away with it!”

          “No, sir” the plod responded, “I don’t imagine he’s the man we’re looking for – he’s merely providing a much-needed service to the general public in these difficult times.”

          “Oh, I forgot to mention he smelt strongly of cannabis.”

          “Thank you for your information, sir!” the gavver replied, ” I will go and nick the evil criminal bastard!”

          Liked by 1 person

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