The Mad Hatters

Important Tax Advice/Economic Stimulus

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will receive an economic stimulus.

Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?

A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

 

Q: Where will the government get this money?

A: From taxpayers.

 

Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money, then?

A: No, only a small fraction of it.

 

Q: What is the purpose of this payment?

A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.

 

Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A: Shut up.

 

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:

 

* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

* If you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.

* If you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

* If you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

 

Instead, keep the money in America by spending it on the only American businesses still operating in the US:

 

(1) Yard sales, or

(2) Going to a ballgame, or

(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

(4) Beer, or

(5) Tattoos

 

CONCLUSION: You could go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day, if not for the shelter in place quarantine caused by COVID-19.

Nicely played, China. Nicely played.