Full Contact Gardening

by allthoughtswork

Bruise1web 4-20

That ain’t right.


Get outside, they said. You’ll get a little color, they said.

Note to self: When you pull the starter cord with all your might, mind the edge of the shop table. It’s as hard as Mitch McConnell’s heart.


13 Comments to “Full Contact Gardening”

  1. Bloody hell! That looks painful.

    I’ll bet there was a little swearing went on at the time.


    • As I sit here typing this, I’m making sure the cuff of my sleeve doesn’t even glance the skin because it hurts so goddamned much. But it’s already healing, so it’s both painful and itchy, bloody annoying.

      Strangely, there was no swearing during the fateful event. I just remember gripping my arm in shock and pacing up and down the garage with two words flashing inside my brain like a neon sign: TISSUE DAMAGE, TISSUE DAMAGE, TISSUE DAMAGE!

      I didn’t want to have to go to a hospital. For obvious reasons.


  2. I know what you mean. About the hospital, that is.

    Three weeks ago, MrsN was in a car crash and got taken to hospital.

    She had a couple of broken ribs and some bruising to contend with, but the people who dealt with her did so really quickly, and explained that they wanted people in and out of there ASAP.

    She’s on the mend now, but the car is a write off. I’m just glad that she was driving her solid Range Rover and not my flimsy Kia, or things could have been a lot worse.


    • Okay, first of all, what the hell are you doing in a Kia? And second, bloody ‘ell, I’m glad the missus is okay! I’ve been through cracked ribs before. Nothing so demoralizing as not even being able to breathe properly, much less bend down for the toilet.

      Funny as you are, you better not torture her with any humor. Make a person with cracked ribs laugh and they are legally allowed to shoot you.

      Then again, she’s your wife. She knows precisely how to exact revenge. Sleep lightly.


  3. We get paid out from the insurance next week, but all the car dealers are shut!

    I’ll have to try my charm on the insurance company to let us have the hire car for a bit longer, and charge it to the other guy’s insurance.


    • Stowaway on a cargo ship and bring $200,000 to the US and we’ll set you up with another fine Range Rover, everything’s still open over here. If you buy it in the South, they’ll probably tell you to enjoy driving it home.


  4. You can joke, but a friend of mine has relatives in Salt Lake city. A neighbour of their’s once asked him if he’d driven over, and how long the drive was.

    He told them the bridge was down, so he’d had to fly.

    Another local saw him open his wallet and wanted to know what the English currency in there was all about. Trev explained and showed her 5 pound and 10 pound notes; she wouldn’t (couldn’t?) believe that the whole world didn’t use US dollars.


    • Sadly, I wasn’t joking. And, yes, Salt Lake City often does nothing to dispel the stereotype of blank-headed urban Mormons. There’s sheltering in place and then there’s just sheltered.

      But they’re making leaps forward. Why, just last year they raised the alcohol content limit on beer from 3.2% to 4%. Makin’ a deal with the Devil, they are.


  5. Ouch, that looks painful!


  6. Two months later and the hard knot still hasn’t completely reabsorbed into the skin. I can still see a dark blotch and feel a lump underneath like an extra knuckle. One more month and I’ll be back to “normal.”


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