Did you ever get a chance to school an idiot to their face?

by allthoughtswork

Rear view of a group of diverse woman friends walking together Photo | Free Download

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God, I love these stories. When an arrogant ass goes on and on about something and then a hidden expert quietly demolishes them in front of everyone, it’s a magical thing.

One of my favorite memories was back in Colorado. I was in peak form, with many, many mountain summits and solo backcountry hikes under my belt but I was a young chick with long blonde hair and I guess that’s all a lotta men need to know.

A female friend (equally hot, with long brown hair) and I were walking up a steep access road beneath a ski resort’s chairlift to look at spring alpine wildflowers. Resorts often keep these roads open in the off season for hikers and bikers. We could hear him talking before we saw him.

A man was bending down to a tiny creek next to the road and cupping the water in his hands. He was saying to his 8-year-old son standing next to him, “That’s pure Rocky Mountain water. You can drink that. ”

When he spotted us, the voice deepened and the lecture intensified. “Yeah, that’s…uh…that’s as pure as it gets in nature. You can’t find water like that anymore. It’s completely clean, it came right from the snow. See that mountain up there? That water came Straight. Off. That. Mountain.”

I stopped him before the liquid made it to his lips. “So,” I asked. “Where ya from?”

“Missouri.”

“Okay, cool. Beautiful up here, isn’t it?”

“I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“You know what giardia is?”

“No.”

I glanced at my friend, willing her not to burst out laughing yet. “Well,” I said in as even a tone as I could muster, “You might wanna look that up before you drink anything. And, by the way, that drainage isn’t coming ‘straight off the mountain,’ it’s coming straight off that maintenance shed up there where they grease the chair lift.”

He followed my pointing finger with a blank expression and sort of froze. I glanced back at him a few minutes after we left and he was still standing there, holding his fingers to his nose and smelling his hand all over. My friend and I had a great hike considering how hard it is to breathe at 12,000 feet when you’re laughing your ass off.

 

Herman: Living with Animals (Herman Classics series) by Jim Unger. $14.96. Publication: November ...

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