British Humor is Different

by ratty

I got this in an email (probably American in origin ?) and thought I’d post it up on Madhatters.

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, NO CALVES: NEVER BRED
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is . . . ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


Children Are Quick, too . . .


TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.


TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand . . .


TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mum is a good cook.


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.

Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, sir. It’s the same dog.


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

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2 Comments to “British Humor is Different”

  1. I’m sending these on to a teacher I know so he can prepare himself. After all, it’s only one month away from whatever we decide school is now.

    Like

  2. Hey, ratman, you forgot to include British humor for comparison. If you go around making assertions like that without facts, we’re gonna think you’re running for office.

    Like

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