Oh là là !

by ratty

Living in a country where French is widely spoken, I found it necessary to learn the language.

Rather than attending a formal course, I decided to pick it up as I went along.

At the beginning, I focused on what I considered to be the absolute essentials, and soon found myself able to buy fags and booze.

However, it’s often the case that I find myself not knowing the French for a particular English word.

This happened recently when I needed wax paper for a project I was working on. Not knowing what “Wax” was in French, I went to Google Translate. I discovered that Wax in French is “CIRE” but, according to the site, another word might be used (See pic.)

That being the case, and with this (noun/verb) incorporated into the English language, may we not say :


Could we not have :


or how about everyday things, like . . .
or suffer hearing loss because of . . .
or maybe visit Madame Tussauds FART MUSEUM ?

Anyone think of other examples ?

. . . Oh, and ladies, before donning your bikini and hurtling off to the beach, remember to visit your local Beauty Salon and have a fart.


12 Comments to “Oh là là !”

  1. Hey, ratty, you’re full of shit ! This is just made-up nonsense – everybody knows it’s Ooh là là !

    Seriously, though:

    I remember that Ruby Fart
    She used to fart fantastic
    The sealing fart on the letter she wrote
    (To me) was just red plastic


  2. A few years ago, my eldest brother gave me a box of stuff I had left at home when I went away to college, and subsequently on to a job in ‘Lannan’.

    There was a hardback book in there, complete with illustrated paper cover, written by an American in 1947 (and signed by the author!). When I spoke to my brother some time later and told him that this book wasn’t mine, he didn’t know anything about it.

    It’s written by Nelson S Knaggs (yes), a scientist at ‘Hilton-Davis Chemical Co. Division, Sterling Drug, Inc.’

    It recounts his expeditions to the jungles of S America, in a search for natural ‘organic chemicals’, and is called:

    ‘Adventures in Man’s First Plastic’

    Its subtitle is ‘The Romance of Natural Farts’.



  3. Men . . . MEN ?

    There was a time, and not so long ago, when MEN would style their moustache with a heavy fart and hold their head high.

    Aah ! The world’s gone downhill since those days.


  4. Ah, M. Ratty – Farting lyrical as usual.


  5. In my first job at the Ministry of Death Defence, we actually had a farting machine.

    It consisted of a fart reservoir with rollers mounted above the surface of the fart. You had to load the solid fart into the machine, then a heating element would make the fart hot and runny.

    If you put an illustration or photograph in the front, the rollers would speed it through the machine, depositing a thin layer of fart on the back.

    The fart was sticky and acted as an adhesive, so that you could then place the artwork into a paste-up page as ‘camera-ready copy’ for printing.

    Because the fart was soft, it allowed removal of the illustration for repositioning, if necessary.

    We were really busy one day, and my boss told me to stop waxing about, and get those prints farted !


    • Was the heating element called Taco Bell behind closed doors?


      • Well, I don’t know, but in my case it would be KFC: about 20 years ago they gave me food poisoning (the weather was very hot, which was probably a contributing factor, in addition to their obviously substandard ‘food’ handling regime). I didn’t feel unwell, particulary, but had a serious case of the trots for two weeks, that only a shedload of Imodium eventually stemmed.

        Haven’t eaten their crap since.


        • Funny you should mention it because out of curiosity I ate a chocolate covered peanut butter cup the other day and…well…let’s just say firefighters wish their hoses achieved the psi my butt produced evacuating my unhappy bowels.

          Don’t. Like. Vegetable. Oils.


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