Writer’s bollocks

by NobblySan

Or do I have that wrong?

Maybe it should be “Writer’s block”

Anyhow, whatever the word is – I have it. I’m struggling here folks; I desperately want to write something that is funny and entertaining for all (me included), but I just can’t.

It’s bloody infuriating!

There’s a whole load of ranting, raving and generally whinging on about the state of things that I could be doing, but right at the moment I don’t think that is what either you or I really need, is it?

All the stuff I could enjoy a good moan about, such as Trump, Johnson, social restrictions, Liverpool losing 7-2 to Villa (I never thought I’d be typing that), and a whole host of other stuff like the end of the shortened cricket season, is already covered, so why should I join in? I’ve got nothing new, witty or particularly relevant to add.

So, here I am – chicken jalfrezi eaten, second glass of Malbec nearly finished, dogs walked, MrsN watching some shite on the telly downstairs, and I’m bored.

What should I do folks?

Send in your suggestion written neatly on the back of a 20 quid note (or any suitably sized bill/note from your chosen currency) to:-

Nobbly San, No fixed abode, Northern England, Greatly dimished Britain, ex-Europe.

All sensible suggestions considered.

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8 Comments to “Writer’s bollocks”

  1. Have you considered self-harming ?

    If you haven’t the courage, then I can come and do it for you.

    That’s what mates are for, helping out in times of stress.

    (My Electricity bill for £20 on its way)

    Like

    • As a matter of fact, in my capacity as a rural estate agent, I strive on a daily basis to sell farm.

      Unfortunately, the prospective buyers are also farmers and are just too fucking tight-fisted to offer the asking price.

      Still – prices and wrists are just there to be slashed.

      Like

  2. There was a self-harmer
    He used to sell pharma
    A job taken at the behest
    Of his shrink, Dr Frederick West

    He felt that his patient would thrive
    And would hopefully feel more alive
    If so many more suffered
    Then his pain would be buffered
    And some kind of relief he’d derive

    So he worked for a Big Drugs concern
    And massive amounts he did earn
    But as he pushed dodgy potions
    Across the world’s oceans
    His feelings of guilt would return

    He felt that his life held no charm
    So returned to his world of self-harm
    And, without any prompting
    He took OxyContin
    And for ever slept through his alarm

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bravo!

      A most excrement poem, sir.

      [apologies – the autocorrect seems to be acting up again . . .]

      Like

      • You could be right with your malapropism, MrSan (wasn’t there a ‘band’ called Mr Mr ?).

        Having writer’s bollocks is analogous (no pun intended) to being constipated.

        But after a lot of noise, and reams of paper, you eventually come up with something.

        Usually shit.

        Like

  3. Nobbly San.
    No fixed abode,
    Northern England,
    Greatly dimished Britain,
    ex-Europe.

    Dear Mr. Nobbly San.

    As a long-time and regular reader of MH, I can understand the problems you are facing by attempting to write something entertaining, as this would be a complete departure from your usual style, and for which you are well known.

    Might I suggest that you could otherwise concentrate your energies on your typing skills and eliminate typos such as “dimished.”

    Hope this helps.

    Yours,

    R. T.

    (My Water bill for £27.93 is on its way. Thank you)

    Like

  4. Well spouted sir! You serpently have an eye for a typo.

    I attribute the lack of ‘in’ in the ‘dimished’ to the erstwhile rapidly diminishing state of the second glass of Malbec.

    By the way, thank you for the enclosed water, Bill. Unfortunately, I will be forced to return it as around here at the moment, there are already copious quantities of the stuff either falling from the sky or lying on the ground .

    Like

  5. Writer’s bollocks

    So still cork brew

    infuriating

    If urinating

    Started self-harming yet ?

    Like

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