Author Archive

May 26, 2018

“Our steamed Puget Sound mussels come with a side of rehab…”

by allthoughtswork

Image result for puget sound mussels

Yup, Seattle shellfish are testing positive for oxycodone now. They say it’s only showing up in urban waterways, not any commercial shellfish beds, but I don’t trust it. It’s bad enough you want me to suck down those slimy little sea-tongues, don’t ruin my chances in the Olympics, too.

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May 26, 2018

The Scots have knobbly orbs

by allthoughtswork

Prognosticating devices, perhaps?

No, it’s not a kinky sex thing. Well, it could be, they’re not sure yet.

May 25, 2018

World’s smallest city park in Portland, Oregon, just got more official

by allthoughtswork

Mill Ends Park in 2013.

Yes, it’s real. Yes, we’re serious. This is Portland.

May 25, 2018

“I used to be stressed before I started yoga, you should try it.”

by allthoughtswork

I used to be stressed until I started yoga, you should try it!

via

May 24, 2018

It’s Memorial Day weekend, do you know where your grill tongs are?

by allthoughtswork

While the rest of you stand around outside in the skin-peeling heat with your warming bottles of microbrew, arguing over gas or briquettes, and listening to your dog vomit up the package of jalapeno bratwurst he got into earlier, I’ll be letting my oven do all the work for me in a big, ol’ roasting pan:

Image result for pulled beef barbecue

Except I won’t be using buns because my buns are big enough as it is….

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May 24, 2018

Words to whip out at the Memorial Day barbecue and impress your friends

by allthoughtswork

Entry 25Entry 21

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May 23, 2018

Live feed of molten death

by allthoughtswork

If you lean in real close you can smell the tourists singeing and the property values dropping.

May 23, 2018

Verrry good

by allthoughtswork

Cats are still our gods.

via

May 23, 2018

I’ve met geese, the horror is real

by allthoughtswork

 

Satan's birds

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May 22, 2018

Tornado Yoga: Bend over and kiss your ass goodbye

by allthoughtswork

Welcome to springtime in America.

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