Author Archive

January 9, 2017


by ratty

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

January 6, 2017

Anyone . . .

by ratty

. . . noticed what’s missing from MH ?


January 2, 2017

New Year’s Resolutions

by ratty

Well, how did you get on ?

For my part, I gave up smoking.

I gave up smoking for 29 long, wife-shouting-at, cat-kicking, ripping-the-paper-off-the-wall, hours.

I thought 29 hours was quite enough, and I’m happy with my achievement.

However, I am in awe of a person with a steelier resolve.

I’ve always wondered what he would look like without all that fuzz . . .

December 30, 2016

New Oz Cider

by ratty

December 23, 2016

A piece of cake . . .

by ratty
In this, an offshoot of the fifth series of the HUGELY SUCCESSFUL, but largely ignored, “ratty cooks” column, I am going to show you how to slice a cake à la Marocaine.

December 22, 2016

The MH Annual Newsletter

by ratty

We, here at Madhatter Towers, would like to take this opportunity to wish a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to our reader.

2016 is now on its last legs, but BOY what a year it has proved to be for us all here at the Newsdesk.

December 14, 2016

Why Putin Envies Trump

by ratty

December 13, 2016

More bloody PC nonsense ?

by ratty


The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the nation’s House of Commons this Christmas season.

December 11, 2016

He became an Engineering Designer instead – same difference

by ratty

A recently discovered school photograph featuring NobblySan (top R/H corner) when he was dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and hoping he might be spotted by a talent scout.

December 10, 2016

Social Intercourse

by ratty
We live in boxes. One, our home, the other, a metaphorical box representing our insular existence.