Author Archive

February 5, 2017

Come on guys, I need the cash . . .

by ratty

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January 29, 2017

So true !

by ratty

I’m not a Grandparent, but I know what this feels like . . .

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January 21, 2017

TAM’S MUCKLE TURD

by ratty

BY ROBERT BURNS

TAMS MUCKLE TURD.

Intae the wids amongst the trees.
Tam bared his erse, his cheeks to ease.
Nae sinner hud his breeks gan doon.
Than shitty flees were swarming roon.

.

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January 9, 2017

SECURITY UPDATE

by ratty

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

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January 6, 2017

Anyone . . .

by ratty

. . . noticed what’s missing from MH ?

RIP.

January 2, 2017

New Year’s Resolutions

by ratty

Well, how did you get on ?

For my part, I gave up smoking.

I gave up smoking for 29 long, wife-shouting-at, cat-kicking, ripping-the-paper-off-the-wall, hours.

I thought 29 hours was quite enough, and I’m happy with my achievement.

However, I am in awe of a person with a steelier resolve.

I’ve always wondered what he would look like without all that fuzz . . .

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December 30, 2016

New Oz Cider

by ratty

December 23, 2016

A piece of cake . . .

by ratty
In this, an offshoot of the fifth series of the HUGELY SUCCESSFUL, but largely ignored, “ratty cooks” column, I am going to show you how to slice a cake à la Marocaine.

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December 22, 2016

The MH Annual Newsletter

by ratty

We, here at Madhatter Towers, would like to take this opportunity to wish a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to our reader.

2016 is now on its last legs, but BOY what a year it has proved to be for us all here at the Newsdesk.

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December 14, 2016

Why Putin Envies Trump

by ratty

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