Archive for ‘cookery’

July 14, 2018

You know an ice cream shop has become desperate when….

by allthoughtswork

…they roll out Freak Shakes. It looks like something a fourteen-year-old whipped up during a cannabis-fueled bipolar high.

FYI, just walking downwind of the industrial strength processed carb fumes of a Baskin-Robbins ice cream shop has been known to knock athletes completely out of ketosis and make diabetics jam a needle in their ass without breaking stride. Be safe out there.

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June 28, 2018

But are they organic butt nuggets?

by allthoughtswork

Farm Fresh

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June 25, 2018

Vanilla shortage!

by allthoughtswork

Image result for vanilla pod

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Vanilla is now more valuable than silver. You snooze, you lose….

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June 25, 2018

Japanese put tons of sugar in their omelette

by allthoughtswork

That’s really kind of…well…ew.

June 22, 2018

Lava meeting ice or me trying to make butterscotch?

by allthoughtswork

That’s how my pans ended up looking on the first try in 1995, anyway.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on who you ask, me or my pancreas), I went on to perfect the art of burnt sugar chiffon cake with burnt sugar buttercream frosting. (Believe me, it tastes waaay better than it sounds. Duncan Hines can suck it.)

Now I’m keto and have to watch lava on You Tube to relive the drama.

June 16, 2018

Cheat-ohs, the cheese puff-flavored ice cream dipped in cheese puff dandruff

by allthoughtswork

The New York-based ice cream shop <a href="https://www.instagram.com/biggayicecream/" target="_blank">Big Gay Ice Cream</a> e

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America is going straight to hell.

June 10, 2018

How to make a chocolate bar the hard way

by allthoughtswork

Warning: Your drooling will begin about 17 images in, brace for it.

June 4, 2018

Dinner’s ready

by allthoughtswork

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May 26, 2018

“Our steamed Puget Sound mussels come with a side of rehab…”

by allthoughtswork

Image result for puget sound mussels

Yup, Seattle shellfish are testing positive for oxycodone now. They say it’s only showing up in urban waterways, not any commercial shellfish beds, but I don’t trust it. It’s bad enough you want me to suck down those slimy little sea-tongues, don’t ruin my chances in the Olympics, too.

May 24, 2018

It’s Memorial Day weekend, do you know where your grill tongs are?

by allthoughtswork

While the rest of you stand around outside in the skin-peeling heat with your warming bottles of microbrew, arguing over gas or briquettes, and listening to your dog vomit up the package of jalapeno bratwurst he got into earlier, I’ll be letting my oven do all the work for me in a big, ol’ roasting pan:

Image result for pulled beef barbecue

Except I won’t be using buns because my buns are big enough as it is….

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