Archive for ‘family’

July 15, 2019

Strap in, Tommy, you’re about to see some shit go down

by allthoughtswork

Buckle up, Timmy. You're about to see some shit

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July 10, 2019

Annoying interviewer is the female version of Piers Morgan

by allthoughtswork

Is this an interview or a stoning? Every time I hear that forceful, self-important inhale of hers, I know she’s gearing up to take another whack.  This is one of the most sloped-foreheaded, uninformed, unempathetic women I’ve ever witnessed. Besides evangelists, I mean.

Come to think of it, she’s probably one of the traumatized children he’s talking about it. She sounds triggered. Hmm.

Gabor Maté is a sage. His approach to addiction and mental health removes the sting and stigma while simultaneously empowering the sufferer–let’s see religion or Prozac do that. I’ll wager my house she’s intimately acquainted with both.

July 6, 2019

Microbes from an 8-year-old boy who’s been playing outside

by allthoughtswork

Microbes Left Behind From The Handprint Of An 8-Year-Old Boy After Playing Outside

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Imagine what his father’s hand would look like after playing inside. The soap’s there for a reason, you manky wankers.

June 29, 2019

“It just doesn’t matter!”

by allthoughtswork

A comedy highlight from the classic movie Meatballs is actually a brilliant speech….

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June 29, 2019

The sugar industry? Not so sweet

by allthoughtswork

Regulated, my ass. The sugar industry is just a legalized cocaine cartel allowed to market to children. Makin’ America great again.

PS: Those fruit smoothies you’re slurping down aren’t the Get Out of Jail Free Cards you think they are, they’re actually worse. Your liver has approved this message.

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June 20, 2019

June 21: First day of summer, longest day of the year

by allthoughtswork

Image result for first day of summer funny

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Here in Portland, Oregon, that means 15 straight hours of visually navigable daylight, and since school let out last week, the little shits are already screaming around and getting into trouble. I live VERY close to an unlit children’s baseball field. ‘Nuff said.

Their parents aren’t much better. It’s alarming just how many of our fair city’s scheduled events revolve around carbs and booze, right in the middle of the T-shirt-clingin’ heat. With odds like that, those who aren’t parents yet, might be by spring.

June 16, 2019

Mom: “I finally Marie Kondo-ed the kitchen.” Child: “I helped!”

by allthoughtswork

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June 1, 2019

Holy crap, that’s brilliant

by allthoughtswork

Biggest-Lies-Personal-Gain-Nicole-Cliffe

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May 30, 2019

And sleeping

by allthoughtswork

May 27, 2019

How to survive childhood

by allthoughtswork

I remember playing with that elastic bubble plastic and, yes, it tasted like death. But I turned out fine. (left eye twitches violently)

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