“It’s about the sugar, period. Telling a diabetic an apple is healthier than a cookie is like telling an alcoholic a Bloody Mary is healthier than a shot. Try getting it past your liver.”
–Me
May 13, 2020
One-Liner Wednesday — #57
“I started walking in the wilderness…Next thing I know, I like to walk. So I call it meditative walking versus I-gotta-be-in-the-Olympics or get-back-to-my-original-weight-of-eight-pounds-fifteen-ounces.”
–Wynonna Judd
May 6, 2020
One-Liner Wednesday — #56
“Wolverine is a bizarre sex object considering his proclivity for impaling women. Jean, Rogue, Mystique–all of them got knives to the liver. Tinder doesn’t have a box for that.”
— Me
April 29, 2020
One-Liner Wednesday — #55
April 22, 2020
One-Liner Wednesday — #54
“Me and a friend went out last night, did a little bar hoppin’ on State Street, tryin’ to meet some ladies. Didn’t go too well. Eventually, my friend got pissed off. He was like, ‘Screw this, let’s go to a strip club.’ I don’t get that logic. You know, to me, that’s like going fishing, not catching anything, and being like, ‘Screw this, let’s go to the aquarium.'”
–Mark Normand
April 15, 2020
One-Liner Wednesday — #53
April 8, 2020
One-Liner Wednesday — #52
“It’s very rural, Missouri, where they are. My brother lives there, he’s twenty-eight. He went to get a hunting license and when you go over to the building, they had two rooms: one for readers, one for non-readers. Yeah. And he was, like, ‘Do you think they should let people who can’t read hunt?’ I’m, like, ‘Yeah. Because if you can’t read, I think eventually, you’re gonna need to hunt.'”
–Kathleen Madigan
April 1, 2020
One-Liner Wednesday — #51
“One thing that bugs me about religion, you never see a church with free Wi-Fi. Why is that? That bothers me. Restaurants, coffee shops, dive bars even have free Wi-Fi, never a church. I think I figured out why. I think it’s ‘cuz no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.”
— Mark Normand
January 1, 2020
One-Liner Wednesday — #50
“Change what you do. Change your world. If enough people change their world, we change the world.”
— Sir Ken Robinson
