Archive for ‘Only in America’

February 21, 2018

OkStupid

by allthoughtswork

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Sex offenders, adultery, and old school sexism welcomed as long as you’re white and heterosexual, because quality control.

Republicans are going to get much fitter in the next two years; I hear you have to park your Make America Great Again bumper sticker at least six blocks away from Planned Parenthood when you go in for your STD shots.

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February 17, 2018

You can buy little Timmy a bulletproof backpack now, because ‘Murica

by allthoughtswork

Bulletproof backpacks for children.

Yup, another flake of our dignity just sloughed off and fell to the ground. We might as well just grind up the rest of it and use it to make chalk outlines around children.

This reminds me of all the bizarre purse-friendly weapons they sell women to use on rapists. Because boys will be boys and there’s no use approaching the problem from the angle of, you know, the problem.

February 16, 2018

Let’s take a ride back to when the world made sense

by allthoughtswork

February 13, 2018

American pride

by allthoughtswork

 Not all heroes wear capes

Yeah, that’s pretty much where we’re at right now, looks like we’re gonna run with it.

January 24, 2018

“And another one down, and another one down, another one bites the dust…”

by allthoughtswork

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Believe it or not, those were the lyrics I heard on the radio RIGHT AFTER the DJ announced the shooting at Columbine High School happening just a mile away from me in 1999.

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January 17, 2018

We’re gettin’ a new state!

by allthoughtswork

Image result for new california

Apparently, rural folk have had it up to here with all the liberal, progressive crap their state of California has been pullin’. They want to secede and form their own state: Trumpland.

Oh, sorry, that should read “New California.” 

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October 29, 2017

Squash buckling pumpkin race

by allthoughtswork

Yep, it’s the Annual West Coast Giant Pumpkin Regatta. Decidedly Portland. Okay, technically, Tualatin, but it’s close enough to count and copycat states (I’m lookin’ at you, Maine) can suck it.

October 27, 2017

Except we pronounce it “Florida”

by allthoughtswork

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October 3, 2017

Why America will never relinquish its guns

by allthoughtswork

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August 29, 2017

Do not adjust your set

by allthoughtswork

Related imageFolks, I’m going to take a brief side trip from humor to share with you something serious that happened last week. I’ve been given permission to repeat it here on the proviso that all identifying details be omitted.

This is all true.

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