Archive for ‘Only in America’

September 15, 2018

Just another day in Texas

by allthoughtswork

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“The Texas State Board of Education voted Friday to remove mentions of Hillary Clinton and Helen Keller from the state’s mandatory history curriculum — but will keep in Moses’ influence on U.S. founding documents, The Dallas Morning News reported.”

Yee-haw.

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September 1, 2018

Times, they are a’ changin’

by allthoughtswork

Image result for medical marijuana funny

My insurance company just sent me one of their annual updates to inform me that it does not cover “…bodily injury or property damage arising out of the use, sale, manufacture, distribution, delivery, transfer, possession, production, planting, growth, cultivation, harvesting, warehousing, processing, or transportation of marijuana…” but “…does not apply to the legitimate use of legally prescribed drugs, under federal law, by a person following orders of a licensed health care professional.”

Luckily, I only have mint in the backyard and I administer that, myself, via mojitos.

July 30, 2018

The Portland Adult Soap Box Derby

by allthoughtswork

The drunken revelry, the weapons grade water guns, the smell of your own flesh cooking under a hot August sun like a chicken fajita–this is the most Portlandly Portland thing to do in the dog days of summer. 

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July 26, 2018

A man takes pickax to Trump’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star AGAIN

by allthoughtswork

Image result for trump's star

Good show, sir.

July 4, 2018

Happy 4th of July! (Neener, neener, Duncan)

by allthoughtswork

Once a year it’s fun to joke around with my friends across the pond.. Happy July 4th Brits!

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I found the perfect way to celebrate: I’ve been retiring every day at 6 PM and rising at 3 AM, elegantly avoiding the heat and all the annoying shenanigans drunken idiots get into around here after dark. Yee-haw.

June 16, 2018

Cheat-ohs, the cheese puff-flavored ice cream dipped in cheese puff dandruff

by allthoughtswork

The New York-based ice cream shop <a href="https://www.instagram.com/biggayicecream/" target="_blank">Big Gay Ice Cream</a> e

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America is going straight to hell.

June 15, 2018

Are we talking two-legged or four?

by allthoughtswork

Unexpected Twist

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May 29, 2018

Comedian Kathleen Madigan reads juicy bits of “Fire and Fury” as bedtime story

by allthoughtswork

This is some funny shit, not funny-ha-ha, but funny-it’s-sanctimoniously-gratifying-when-loathsome-assholes-get-owned. More here.

May 25, 2018

World’s smallest city park in Portland, Oregon, just got more official

by allthoughtswork

Mill Ends Park in 2013.

Yes, it’s real. Yes, we’re serious. This is Portland.

May 24, 2018

It’s Memorial Day weekend, do you know where your grill tongs are?

by allthoughtswork

While the rest of you stand around outside in the skin-peeling heat with your warming bottles of microbrew, arguing over gas or briquettes, and listening to your dog vomit up the package of jalapeno bratwurst he got into earlier, I’ll be letting my oven do all the work for me in a big, ol’ roasting pan:

Image result for pulled beef barbecue

Except I won’t be using buns because my buns are big enough as it is….

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