Need something to stare at in lockdown other than your unwashed windows and the top shelf of the fridge?
July 24, 2020
“Advancing with over half a tonne of meat on board is dangerous.”
We’re too fat for Venice. Gondoliers have had to reduce the number of butts on their gondolas to avoid sinking.
Skip the gelato next time, Marge.
July 6, 2020
Me, anywhere three inches outside my front door
I don’t know what it is this year but I’ve got sixteen fucking bites from my belly down to my ankles. They don’t just itch, they itch with a nuclear intensity that kills souls and I can’t fall asleep at night without ice packs on each of them to dull the desire to tear the flesh from my bones.
Some of them have morphed into red patches of raised pustules weeping fluid that I have to bandage before I leave the house lest onlookers accuse me of leprosy or share their COVID with me via these handy entry points. I’ve bought more athletic tape and sterile gauze this spring than all other springs combined. At one point, the pustules blended with April’s contusion in a dermatological fault line to create an Uber-sore.
This has been going on since May. Every fucking night and day since May. Yes, I wear DEET. Yes, I avoid foliage. Yes, I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of spider-of-Satan but I’m at a loss as to how to avoid the little bastards considering I’m a landscape designer.
This is one bite–ONE.
July 5, 2020
Well, that’s ONE way to get away from the neighbors
November 2, 2000, was the last time all humans were on the planet together. Since then, at least one person has remained on the International Space Station. Which is sounding pretty good right about now.
Technically, the International Space Station is closer to the earth than San Francisco is to L.A., but the commute is a bitch so you can wipe that thought right out of your mind, space cadet.
June 11, 2020
Bats drinking from hummingbird feeders
This is my favorite live cam, I check it several times a day, it’s far more interesting than the news.
Early on in the night, colonies of fruit bats flutter around the hummingbird feeders. You can get a better look at them if you slow the speed down by half. You can also track backwards along the bottom progress bar to see who’s been at the feeder earlier in the day.
