A Dalmation in England gave birth to 18 puppies. And you thought potty training ONE toddler in lockdown was a bitch.
May 18, 2020
Call me a cynic, but . . .
Lovely as it sounds, it’ll all go tits up with the first death.
Or, as they found in Manchester with Mo-bikes ™, the first 50,000 thefts.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-52711992
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oooh . . . to tag or not to tag; that is the question.
But, seeing as it’s you . . .
May 11, 2020
Daily Comedy: Matt Lucas’s impression of Boris Johnson cracks me the hell up
Looks like he’s mastered it to the point that it’s pissing conservatives off. Well done, Matt.
May 10, 2020
Meanwhile, in the animal kingdom
I love all these “surprise” stories about how animals are being animals now that all the obnoxious humans are gone. What did you think they were gonna do? Whip out hidden cellphones and start sexting?
Whales already know how to sing and they’re doing it a lot more now that we’ve shut the hell up. Flamingos are throwing raves. Cows are showing off their beach bodies on the Corsican beaches. Brits are staring at blue water and weeping into their PG Tips.
April 25, 2020
Something . . . that isn’t music, but is too good to miss.
Laydees adn’ Gennelmen!
I give you, Mr Bridges . . .
He’s as funny as fuck.
April 23, 2020
Alerts to Threats in Europe
By John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
A final thought — Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
