Archive for ‘Uncategorized’

June 23, 2017

Quasimodo

by ratty

After Quasimodo’s death, the Archbishop of Paris at the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The Archbishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin what he thought would be a long screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day and would offer prayers for more success the next day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and falling flat on his face announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer’s job. The bishop was incredulous.

But man you have no arms !'”No matter,” said the man. “Observe my technique !”

And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the massive carillon.

The Archbishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the final bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned Archbishop rushed down the two hundred and ninety five steps of the bell tower. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure. They had been drawn to the Cathedral, by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before from the melodious bells.

They silently parted to let the Archbishop through and one of them asked,

“Archbishop, who was this man . . ?”

“I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied,

“BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL”

WAIT ! WAIT ! There’s more . . .

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June 23, 2017

Sshh ! Don’t Tell Duncan

by ratty

If you’re a Celt, then everyone’s got a knife out for you . . .

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4631116/It-cannae-true-Irn-Bru-isn-t-Scottish-s-American.html

June 21, 2017

GAME: Riddle me this

by allthoughtswork

Image result for question mark

Rules of the game: Whomsoever answers the riddle correctly posts the next riddle. Only pussies use Google. Aaaaand go.

What loses it’s head in the morning and gets it back at night?

June 19, 2017

Nastyass Honey Badger

by allthoughtswork

How much fun would science class have been if all wildlife documentaries were narrated like this?

June 16, 2017

Maryland outlaws boobs

by allthoughtswork

Image result for topless beach funny

You can’t have boobs in Maryland, at least not where we can see ’em. Saggy, hairy man boobs still okay. 

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June 15, 2017

Punishment

by allthoughtswork

Get it? Get it?

Image result for bad puns

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June 15, 2017

You live by the tweet, you die by the tweet

by allthoughtswork

Court strikes down Trump travel ban again, using his tweets as reference

June 14, 2017

Secret hiding places that foil burglars

by allthoughtswork

Hint: Being poor as shit works, too.

June 14, 2017

UK bar uses Faraday cage to block cellphone use

by allthoughtswork

Dude, put away the dick pic, you’re just gonna have to walk up and actually TALK to her.

Image result for cellphone funny

(My genius solution: first person to turn on their damned phone pays the tab.)

June 14, 2017

When “tossing your dough” means something altogether different

by allthoughtswork

Image result for pizza acrobatics

Yes, pizza acrobatics is actually a thing, you can even compete in the World Pizza Games, but I’m not sure I want my dinner whizzing past anybody’s crotch.

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