Please introduce yourself…

Hi and welcome to the Cafe!

Please feel free to introduce yourself!


This is an area for cafe people – regulars and newcomers alike – to leave a little bit of information about themselves, if they wish to do so. You don’t have to; it’s entirely optional, and your little bit of blurb can be as truthful or as tongue-in-cheek as you like.

We just want to let new visitors to the cafe know the sort of people that they’ll be hanging out with.

p.s. Duncan (the patron) is a grumpy old scots git – who’s usually p*ssed in the corner, in the event that he (ever) replies to a comment, feel free to ignore it!

294 Comments to “Please introduce yourself…”

  1. Hello.

    My name is ratarsed and I am 73 years of age, old. Hactually my name isn’t really ratarsed, but compared with my given name, ratarsed sounds quite chic.

    My hobbies are stamp collecting (philatulence, I think, is the correct term), watching women’s netball, mastu… (never mind), listening to my George Formby collection and wetting myself.

    My dress code normally consists of braces-held, shiny-arsed trousers worn over an unwashed vest tucked into underpants.

    My social life consists of a giddying range of activities, such as getting pissed, surfing the net for por…ermm, artistic sensual photography portraying human relationships, getting pissed, stalking celebrities and, oh, yes…enjoying a sociable drink.

    Well, that’s about it. I suppose I’m pretty representative of the rest of the posters on here…


  2. I, on the other hand, am the epitome of amplitude in a woman; I have a generous girth, a generous bosom, a generous nature and an oversized arse, such as might obliterate a small country. I specialise in haphazard cartwheels, complete with the tantalising glimpse of some badly-laundered roomy bloomers, and on a good day I can ingest the entire contents of the local patissiere’s eye-level shelf. I can belch long enought to say “Barney Rubble” and, when I’m not pulling a Planet of the Apes face, I can turn my eyelids inside out.


  3. Hiya, is this thread for real? If so…..most people on here know me…from Western Canada, animal lover, part-time farming/ranching chick, my favourite love is known on this site as Tractor Man (Duncan thought of this moniker, love it, I do) full time admin assistant….shortish, well maybe not, 5’4″ is not that short. Auburn hair, youthful (I think) late fortyish lady known to be fun loving/local supporter of pub/late night on the street singer. Fondish wish: to be visit U.K. and meet fellow posters. It WILL happen. Promises not kept: to drink Duncan, Saul, Nobblysan, Ratarsed, etc. etc under the table. Good friend: Randi….. where are you, by the way….


  4. Oh YAY!!! – I remembered my password.

    K, I am me. I can’t introduce myself as randie because (a) that isn’t my name and (b), at the moment I’m not.

    At the moment I’m frazzled. I’d like to say I’m “fraught” but I kinda think if I said that, people out there who don’t know me would think I’m a drama queen because you almost have to say that word with an upper class anglo accent and put “darling” after it. I don’t want to call anyone “darling” at the moment, and I’m no upper-class anglo anyway.

    I am usually as my avatar presents me: serene, calm and placid. Quite introverted and not given to over reaction.

    I am going away tomorrow to Belgium. I am so effing conflicted on whether I should take my laptop that I can’t think straight. I have packed two suitcases and they’re mostly full of shit I won’t even think of wearing over there, but just in case…in it all goes.

    It was suggested to me about an hour ago that if I just take a pair of daps and a couple of changes of knickers, I’ll be ok because I’ll buy stuff over there. I can’t even remember what daps are (were they plimsolls?) and my smaller suitcase if filled-to-busting with pretty things that could qualify as knickers if they went up to my waist and covered nether regions like my nan’s used to.

    But anyway – that’s my introduction.

    I also have a tendency to ramble.

    More later probably in a subject thingy all of its own.


  5. Hi everyone,

    yesterday I found this site while bloghopping and stopped for a powwowπŸ˜€ – till your site recognised me as a spam.

    an indian from India; born and bred, now lost in the wildness of ‘the West’ – always a little indian brave, never the big chief, just an other in the tribe.

    I am not a compulsive communicator,
    just a “lost soul swimming in a fish bowl, year after year”,
    thumping the keyboard only in anger.

    this is to say, when the wind blows this way, I too will be visiting your site. and thanks for including me in your bloglinks.


  6. littleIndian

    Just pop in any time you want a coffee and a chatπŸ˜‰

    where about in the west are you lost, or don’t you know?

    (I’m not called nosey for nothing. πŸ˜‰ )


  7. Konichiwa!

    I am NobblySan.

    I got my name from the inability of a Japanese chap to get his pronunciation muscle wrapped around my surname, much to the amusement of my colleagues.

    For my sins, I live in the North West of England…but would have had to have sinned more than I have to be labelled a Yorkshireman. I’m actually a Cheshire lad by origin, but now live in Lancashire, dangerously near to the border with Yorkshire.

    Age wise, I will admit to being 30+ (30+quite a lot if the truth ever came out, but 30+ will do for now….)

    I earn an honest crust as a Mechanical Designer, with slight managerial tendencies, and also run my own design consultancy in what little spare time I have left in the day.

    If cynicism were something that could be considered a basis for a doctorate, you would almost certainly be more correct in addressing me as Dr.Nobbly. But I do like a bit of a laugh, usually at some bugger else’s expense.

    I have a long suffering wife, two late teenage kids (they were never early for anything…), and we choose to share our cheery little world with three dogs, two cats, two budgies and a horse.


  8. thanks noseycow, will do

    Lets say somewhere west of the Greenwich Meridian.
    I hide in the cyber binary – so I can be the real me.


  9. Hi, I’m a forty-something year old man living in the Western Isles of Scotland. I am married with 2 off-spring, and a wife ( that may not have been needed) I don’t work because I am a lazy barsteward, only joking, I’m a bit disabled, but not telling any more. I like to write poetry, I don’t know if I do like writing poetry, but I just do it anyway, so here is one of my poems, Read On…..

    Sick To Death Of Being Sick To Death

    I’ve had enough of having enough
    With the Credit Crunch and all that stuff
    A penny saved is a penny earned
    A lot more lessons need to be learned

    Sick and tired being sick and tired
    Losing a job is like getting fired
    A woman’s work may never be done
    When she’s out on the town having fun

    So worried at being so worried
    A Murray should never be hurried
    Failing to plan is planning to fail
    Big city bankers going to jail

    Don’t try to walk before you can crawl
    The winner will always take it all
    Empty vessels can make the most noise
    Girls will be girls, and boys will be boys

    Very boring being a big bore
    History repeats itself once more
    Got to stop letting sleeping dogs lie
    Too many fingers, not enough pie

    There is more where that came from. Well gotta go and do something constructive, Cheery…


  10. Hi TWS

    I think we have a mutual friend – a certain otter from CollπŸ˜‰

    It’s good to see you. Have a look round. We aim to have fun here I enjoyed your contributions to IB and am looking forward to reading your comments here

    Cheers !!!


  11. P.S. Like your Avatar – looks remarkably like ‘getoffthe’ πŸ˜‰


  12. Ah, there you are…. you can blame NoseyCow for my infiltration…..

    Introduce myself….. do I have to use previous posts as a guideline?

    Ok, here goes….

    my name is Peter, mostly known as Pete unless you want hospital treatment, single, 50 plus, married centuries ago to a gold digger, luckily all in the past now….. ex just about everything still covered by the OSA ’50 year rule’…
    I had parents up until August ’08 when they decided having a nutter for their eldest son was not on their list of ‘things to do in life’… I joined two other siblings in that catagory….
    Have my own blog on wordpress on which I have some wonderful friends, I use facebook and will be heartily glad when xmas is over and I can ditch the bloody xmas tree,stocking,ornament,gift apps…

    So…. final appraisal….. I’m old, knackered, still have a sense of humour and love online contact……. shoot me now….LOL


  13. Hi Peter!! πŸ˜† wlcome to the mad house. πŸ˜‰


  14. Well I fancy a bit of hospital treatment… might get Christmas off that way. πŸ˜€


  15. Hello PeteπŸ˜€

    And a very huge welcome to you! I live in RSA – and I’m not normal:mrgreen:


  16. Put him down JulieπŸ™„ you only just met…. πŸ˜‰


  17. He’s available innhe?


  18. πŸ˜† ROTFPMSL πŸ˜‰

    Incorrigable… (probably spelt wrong!)πŸ˜€


  19. Hello Peter!

    Welcome to the madhouse!!!


  20. Hiya Duncan πŸ™‚


  21. Haha… thanks for the welcome folks, Julie, I don’t know what RSA is so you gotta explain, and yes, I’m available, MrsT, thanks, blame NoseyCow for it… I do….. Duncanr, I’ve got a strong constitution so should survive the onslaught…. LOL


  22. South Africa Pete! We’re all going to stay for the 2010 FIFA world cupπŸ˜€ I doubt we’ll see much football but we’ll drink the country dry. πŸ˜‰


  23. Hi Duncan, getting the hang of it now, NoseyC appeared on my blog a while ago to leave a comment or ten….. LOL


  24. Yup- that’s our Nosey, all right.

    Lovely lass – but a bit gobby !!! πŸ˜†


  25. LOL, I’m not gonna comment, she knows what village I live in….. πŸ˜‰


  26. I bet she asked you a few questions !!!

    She’s not named Noseycow for nothing πŸ˜‰


  27. LOL, not too many Duncan and nothing of a too personal nature, maybe she’s mellowing in her (old?) age !!
    OK, off to fire up MSN Messenger and see who’s online, about the only way I get to ‘chat’ to folks these days, unless you include a prog’ called teamspeak I use for flight sim comms, and thats few and far between now…
    (Non subtle hint concluded….πŸ™‚ )


  28. mellowing in her (old?) age

    More likely playing a long game πŸ˜‰

    See ya, Chippy,.

    I’ll pop over and visit your blog in a bit

    P.S. If Nosey knows where you live, you might want to consider relocation or applying to the Witness Protection Scheme after that comment you made about her being old !!!πŸ˜†


  29. Hi Torri

    How are you?

    Getting excited about Xmas ?


  30. Hi Torri…..
    I’m a big lad Duncan, should be able to look after meself….. LOL


  31. Nosey likes ‘big lads’πŸ˜‰


  32. P.S. Watch out for Julie from RSA (Republic of South Africa) – a small woman with a big appetite πŸ˜†


  33. Haha…. the woman of my dreams then Duncan….. shame she’s so far away…… πŸ˜‰


  34. I’m a newbie with just one comment so far (this morning).
    I’m 47 next month, live near Belfast. I’m a manager in food retail and I’ve been a blogger for about six months. I’m on Twitter too (itsabenzbaby).
    Three kids 21, 17 and 7 (surprise!!!) and a lovely wife who has suffered for 22 years after agreeing to go on a date with me!


  35. Don’t touch Duncans cooking… πŸ™„ best stick to the alcohol or coffee!

    oh😳 Hi Bog raver πŸ˜€


  36. Hi BogRaver! Welcome to the cafe.

    We don’t stand on ceremony around here, so just get stuck in and have a rave/rant/chuckle/etc in whatever post suits you.

    I loved the whitehall shoe protest post on your blog btw….


  37. what blog?? where?? how did I miss that one??? ggrrr


  38. check incoming links on the dashboard….


  39. I am a 28 year old single, working mother living outside the twin cities located in the arctic (well, for now) Minnesota tundra. I am fairly new to the single mom scene, however doing very well and living day by day. I enjoy your blog and thanks for commenting on mine. I am new to the blogosphere and I am secretly addicted.

    Good day to you…:)


  40. Hi mcoffield,

    Welcome to the Mad Hatters Cafe. We’re a pretty international bunch with regular posters here in the UK, South Africa, Canada, Morocco and Australia.

    Please let us have a link to your blog, and we’ll include it in the blogroll.

    Sorry for talking as if I have multiple personalities, but the blog is not run by one person; we like to feel that everyone ‘owns’ it, and can contribute pretty much what they like.

    Feel free to look round….


  41. Hello there mcoffield and welcome to the Mad Hatters!

    Just one small point – can you make a decent cup of coffee?

    I don’t think I can stomach any more of Nobbly’s sludge!

    Oh, hi Nobbly …… didn’t see you there πŸ™‚


  42. Easy to miss Nobbly, Mrs T

    You need to bring your gaze down to knee level ! πŸ˜†


  43. To be honest MrsT, neither can I!


  44. I nearly tripped over him Duncan.

    Nobbly, stand up for gawd’s sake …… oops, sorry you are πŸ˜†


  45. Hi Mcoffield

    Nice to ‘see’ you here

    P.S. You’re not the only one who’s addicted to blogging !!! 😳


  46. I’m NOT addicted!! 😑

    I can leave to get a whole 4 hours sleep which is more than some around here!! πŸ˜›


  47. I’m Karen. A gobby student from Glasgow. πŸ˜€


  48. The more Gobby the better here Karen!!πŸ˜†

    Duncan could do with some decent competition! πŸ˜‰


  49. I’ll do my best.


  50. Greetings good people. Alan Truitt here. I dropped by for the fun (there’s far too much of it going on around here) and stuck around for the ensuing hysterics. And I’m a happier guy for it. And I’m a pretty damn happy guy. If you want to find out who I really am and what I really do — as opposed to what I am and who I really do… All is revealed here.

    FYI: I plagiarized a few lines about fat kids from the ant, but since I am the ant, I am, on occasion, allowed to steal from myself.

    If I am wrong to steal from myself please forgive me. I know not what I do.


  51. This is a fantastic idea! Yes, I think I will introduce myself and my husband. We live on the white sandy beaches of the gulf coast of Florida. We are attempting to move abroad in search of a more fulfilling lifestyle. Can’t wait to get around in your site more. This looks like fun. Would you be offended or flattered if I stole your idea for my site? Very creative.


  52. Hi Lynn

    Good to see you again.

    You and Rip are more than welcome to ‘steal’ anything you like from the MadHatters for your own site – if truth be told, the ‘best’ bits we more than likely stole ourselves from someone else in the first place !!! πŸ˜†

    Look forward to your company



  53. Hey MadHatters! just stole your idea of “introducing yourself” for her blog. Thanks for your coolness!


  54. No problem, Lynn.

    I’ll be over in a bit to paint a ‘word picture’ of myselfπŸ˜†

    P.S. Don’t believe anything these b*ggers here say about me πŸ˜‰


  55. oh Lynn you poor love! you’ll be buying him wine from here to doomsday now!!! πŸ™„ tehehehe πŸ˜†


  56. Duncanr, The Tripsters are looking forward to meeting you via your masterpiece of words! I’m not sure they understand yet just what the page is for…you have the greatest blaudience over here. They seem loyal to your site. Regards, just an average gal from Florida, USA!


  57. I’m actually quite a shy, retiring person, Lynn and don’t like talking too much about myself – but I’ve left a few modest (cough) sentences on your site introducing myself 😳


    • Thank you for that! We loved reading the intros of you and NobblySan. I think the MadHatters picked up a few Tripsters with your humor-hopefully if they wet their appetite here they will still come home to eat!!


  58. SHY? RETIRING? (Subtle hint at his age here😈 ) …. But we love him reallyπŸ˜‰


  59. Good Morning AlanπŸ˜€


  60. Thank You, you too (or is it evening there by you?) … we have stock take at work today, so I’m hiding in my office – I’m important you see, and I don’t need to go and count millions of bearings – and anyway it’s like the Antarctic in those stores …… I’ll let the miserable sales people do itπŸ˜€


  61. My name is Woman in Black and I am a woman, in black.
    I like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain. I’m not much into health food, I am into Champagne. I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape. At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we’ll plan our escape.

    Sometimes the singer-songwriter Rupert Holmes uses me as a channel to reach a new audience.

    Is this the kind of thing you were looking for?


  62. Hi, I go by Death In France. Though despite the name, I did not die in France nor do I have plans to (at least not in the near future).

    I’m 25, I work for a company, & my department makes technical manuals. I’m a graphic designer & I love my job because I get paid to draw. I work with a man named Robert J who I do not like very much. I have a blog dedicated to not liking Rob.

    If anyone reading this loves pranks I’d encourage you to stop by my blog & give me some ideas.


  63. Hi there deathinfrance. πŸ™‚

    It has just taken me 10 minutes to write that.I’m trying to type with no light on! I’m having to hold the keyboard up to the monitor to see the bloody letters!

    He’s nicked the lamp for one of the fishtanks ……..

    Liked by 1 person

  64. Wow, such warm welcomes already!

    Salutations all. NobblySan, I can assure you that I’m nowhere near as threatening as the pseudonym sounds. I like to describe myself as a raging passive-aggressive, so at worst I might start a blog about someone.

    & Mrs. T, I pity the sucka’ husband who steals ya’ light.


  65. hi death,
    so you started a website dedicated to a person you hate? well at least you found your motivation! pleasure to meet you. it’s fun here I am still sorta new but something keeps me coming back to this site, obviously everyone over here is drunk…you’ll see what i mean. oh, are you even in France?


    • The pleasure is all mine Lynn,

      But alas, I am not in France. You are quite astute. If life is a journey, than France would be my final destination. Or it was the name of a Rock & Roll band I was in once, whatever.

      I don’t think hate quite encompasses my whole feelings towards Rob. But I could have a longwinded blog title like β€œThe subtle hypnotic impressions that Robert J’s gut gives off when he laughs makes me wish I was blind, blog.”

      Anyway, I look forward to getting drunk with all of you as Lynn has implied!


  66. Good Morning ****in france (I’m being cautious here – DON’T tempt fate I sayπŸ˜‰ ), and welcome to the bunch of looneys called the MadHatters (none of us have received our certificates to be committed yet, so we rant and rave here for the meantime).

    I kinda like your idea, a blog for someone you dislike intensely (I work with someone like that too) …. problem is writing that blog would keep me busy all day long …. I think the easiest is just to swipe her one day …. right out of the office (at the risk of losing my job of course, but the satisfaction would account for that for a short time).


  67. Yes Julie,

    My blogging does take up most of my day (& the occasional weekend). But I’m a diligent worker & it has yet to impede on my job performance.

    As for dragging Robert outback & beating him to death goes… I’ve thought about it, many times, but I’d like to see this resolved though causes outside my influence.

    Originally my blog was intended to be a log of personal growth in the work place. But being a hater lets me write more interesting stories.


    • So, deathinfrance…
      is your despised Robert J the same as Robert J aka Fundamental Jelly? He seems delightful…
      I hope not, I might have to come over to where-ever you are and take you out! I’m getting kind fond of FJ…..


      • Haha, he asked me the same question on my second day of blogging. No F-Jelly & I are not at odds with each other. In fact, he was my first writing contact that I made through blogging. He’s great person with a great blog.

        LOVE your blog, btw. Please keep up the great work!


  68. Hi, found you in some round about way here… blog to blog to blog.
    I’m in the US of A, a 54 year old single woman writing an anonymous blog.. I’ve been accused of writing about penises too much but seem to have gotten over that- for now. I write about whatever strikes my fancy.. with no regrets.. great when no one knows who you really are.
    Am loving all the varied people out there.. and can’t wait to get better acquainted with the Madhatters.


  69. A flyingelephant (Udtahaathi aka ~uh~) from India who makes fun of everything and make some people laugh while offending others.
    Choice depends on the readers.πŸ™‚


  70. Hi delicate flower and ~uh~, it’s good to see you both.

    I don’t think we’ve had any flying elephants on the site before. A few pink flightless ones perhaps, after a goodly few beers, but no flying ones.


  71. P.S. A very warm welcome to the MadHatters delicate flower and ~uh~!

    I’m the sane one!


  72. Im Joey Polanski, host o The Joey Polanski Show.

    Im a Polack, a playr,

    A wag and a wit.

    Im fulla good humor,

    And, yeah, fulla shit.


  73. Hey guys.. I’m honored to have been added to the blogroll.. that’s a huge responsibility. I think I’m gonna have to study up… start rhyming and get even more irreverent! Huge challenges.
    Anyway, thanks. I”m enjoying all of you immensely,even if Duncanr did slam all female-kind today!


  74. I suddenly found this box at the top of the page and thought… ooops, failed etiquette again, so;

    Over Fifty and Boring Old Fart, OFaBOF, (come on, wake up) is the name that I hide behind, otherwise known as El Presidente of the TS at Sickdays, aka hypertrophied shrink in some places.

    Real me is dave, 54 years, retired shrink, physically a bit battered with a dicky ticker and mentally none to stable either. I have scribbled much short-fiction through blogs and made innumerable instantly ignored comments on various blogs of others. North Staffordshire resident, Windsor born and bred, ex-RAF etc etc.

    As the title says, an OFaBOF…


  75. Since I spend every night here, I might as well introduce myself. I’m Claire, also known as CC and I’ve been called a lot worse. I like to write but working and family take a lot of my writing time and when I can’t write, I blog. Pretty boring actually. Now’ I’ve depressed myself. I’m off in search of entertainment.


  76. I’m surprised people actually do introduce themselves here.😐 Hello there, fellow blogger.πŸ˜€


  77. Howdy. It’s ME!
    Is this the party to whom I’m addressing?

    The Dude abides…..


  78. Hi sekanblogger

    Thanks for dropping by.

    Pull up a seat and make yourself at home πŸ˜†


  79. Okay.

    Im Jay Jay, I’m 31 years old and my hobbies include archery and hostage negotiation – I once successfully talked an aggresive Squirrell into leaving the back seat of a Fiat Uno.

    I enjoy blogging and generally talk obscene amounts of nonsense as well as occasionally indulging in the serious.

    I hope to enjoy my stay in the cafe.


    • Thanks for the cv Jay Jay.

      Those squirrels can be right bastards to shift. I’ve never had to move one from the seat of an Uno, but I did struggle for ages to shift one that was wrapped firmly around the front tyre of a Mondeo Estate.


    • Hi Jay-jay – and welcome to madhatters.

      It’s always nice to see a new face.

      Make yourself at home (the Gents is top of the stairs, 1st door on the left).

      P.S., if you ‘talk obscene amounts of nonsense’ then you’ll fit right in – you’re already a madhatter !!! πŸ˜†


  80. The most troublesome proves to be Badgers, mainly due to their expertise in counter-terrorism and explosives. I could tell you a few harrowing tales – think Danny Glover on the shitter in Lethal Weapon 2.

    Talking down a Herring is a piece of piss though – no will power.

    Thanks for making me so welcome, guys. I hope to contribute.


  81. I’ve just noticed this ‘introduce yourself’ bit in the sidebar and as I have commented several times I should be polite and introduce myself.
    I’m Kate, I live with a united nations of a family of eight kids. MOTH and I had two, then worked for an aid agency for a while when they got older, and when we were tired of being shot at, adopted some more and came home to Australia.
    So for now I’m a SAHM because this lot keep me too busy and too tired to do paid work. I’m also a foodie who obsesses about healthy food and loves to cook.


  82. Hi, I’m Dan and I’m an alcoholic.

    Sorry . . . wrong site, yet . . . still true (weekend nights).

    I visited a historical mill in Willimantic, CT in the fall, and saw an actual mad hatter’s hat, with mercury still in it, and man do I want to wear that bad boy awhile.

    Love this place, and hello!


  83. Bono estente! Republica presente!

    Nombrios eth eth eth Pete, sminky pinky Chris Waddle.
    Io tutto macho fantastico, io me gusta stick-o-lip, il amore y el passione! Slappy time inflaytion!

    And errrmffrrmdnasmph… and I’m afraid that I was very, very drunk at the time.πŸ˜‰


  84. Duncan – what have you done to the layout of your blog? It’s freaking me out😦


    • Hi NM

      A single main column theme works fine for blogs that put up one post a day, but with sites like frigginloon and the madhatters that put up several posts each day there is a danger some posts may be missed because visitors to the site don’t scroll down far enough.

      A two-column theme like this makes a lot more posts visible on the one page.

      Don’t give up on it yet – it might grow on youπŸ˜†


  85. oh ok, if it makes me part of the sisterhood (even my comment type is different – it’s so teensy weensy… how can poor old duncan read it?)πŸ™‚


  86. I found your blog by typing “Jamar Pinkey Sr.” into google. I’m Melissa. I’m 23 (24 at the end of this month) I’m studying to be a nurse. I’m a bibliophile (pretentious term for book lover :P) and I love anime and video games. Basically your average geek. Nice meeting youπŸ™‚


  87. I keep stopping by to introduce myself and for some reason keep deleeting, my comment. Shy I guess anyway I enjoy your blog, glad your here. I’m not sure what to say about myself. I’m still trying to figure who I am, when I have that figured out I let you know.


  88. Well I’m a grumpy old Welsh git who’s usually sitting in the corner stoned with droopy eyelids, drooping spilff and drooping everything else.

    That’s when I’m not furiously ranting and raving with broken key tops flying everywhere and steam rising from my motherboard.


  89. I’m Trisho, I like to think a lot. I’m from Alaska, but now live in Texas. I like lots of space…so have to live in big states.

    I put random stuff of my thoughts on my blog. I like to write too (communications major).

    There’s too many blogs, and not enough time to read everything (that is so frustrating!).



  90. Hi everyone,

    I received an e-mail from Duncan a couple of weeks ago in reply to mine sent a couple of Years
    ago.!!!! Some of you may remember me from Anorak…..those were the days (what, no emoticons?) . I am still computer illiterate, can”t do an avatar and always find helpful posters to find stuff for me. Julie is still on my Jokes list we had many good sessions on Anorak until youknowwho became miss bossyboots and had her finger firmly pressed on the Moderation
    button. LOL Does anyone know what happened to Gandalf? I know he could be very arrogant
    but one Saturday morning in particular, he acted as DJ and played all the music I asked him to find,good fun.
    BTW I live in South Wales having come back to my roots after 6 yrs in London and 23 yrs in
    Jersey looking after other peoples money. As well as being computer illiterate I am not at all
    artistic, although I appreciate Art, I enjoy travel, reading, crosswords, discussions on various
    topics…….quite boring really! I do receive plenty of jokes though and have a good sense of humour, if you have a Jokes thread I would be happy to post some.


  91. Hiya, I’m Jason, aka Home Grown Outlaw. I’ve seen duncanr on Peter Reynold’s blog and have come over for a read. Like it! Great stuff, will be back.

    I’m 30, from the South and my blog is about raising much needed awareness on the hypocritical law that is cannabis; especially regarding medicinal users such as myself.

    All my best to everyone!


  92. Hi Everyone,

    It”s taken me all this time since my maiden speech to find the Comments page…….I told you I was computer illiterate!!!!
    Peter, I live in the Capital of Wales, much improved because of objective 1 funding, not saying I agree with ALL the changes.
    nobblysan, yes I do remember Mic, and Mrs T, I am a Member of another Forum but miss Anorak , so many threads open for
    discussion and very friendly and helpful, not saying this cafe isn”t of course.

    BTW DAve, loved the “Hi, my name is Dave and I”m an alcoholic, sorry, wrong site,”


  93. Thank you duncanr, and pleasure to meet everyone on here. Great site!


  94. Hi, my name is Rudi,and i am south-african(well actually i am a mixture of european heritage,but hold a south african ID unfortunately because i was born in this dump).
    Im just wanting to get off my chest that i hate south africa and it is a real s**t hole and i wish i could leave this place. People get murdered here,especially europeans(whites). The Dewani murder article on this site mentions that “Even by South African standards it was a shocking crime “. Well let me tell you, it is nothing that we are not used to in SA.
    Have a look at this link,there are many others. Anyway,…thanks for reading.


  95. A Daft Scots Lass with a twisted sense of humour which very few people understand.


  96. Morning all,

    Not much to report, holidayed in Tenerife for three weeks, pff to Amsterdam on Saturday for 4 days, right little gadabout
    aren”t I?

    Hello Scots Lass, I too am a Celt from Wales, Love the humour on this site , although I don”t post too often …yet.!!!


  97. NobblySan

    Hope that”s not a reference to meLOL

    Julie has invited me to RSA a few times, but she has Dogs. I can”t see me going because I”m scared of Dogs and they
    sense it. Goes back to my childhood, the bigger they are the more afraid I am.. Anyway, that Julie is a bossy b***er and
    would no doubt have me doing all the cleaning and cooking while she is at work. !!!!!!!!!! she also has a good sense of humour so knows I”m joking.LOL


  98. Hi there!
    I just found Mad Hatters and love it. I will go to have lunch now.
    Be back later.
    I will, I put the site on my blog roll….πŸ™‚


  99. Hi Ana, and welcome to the MadHatters.

    There are three of us that run this thing, although Duncan does most of the work.

    I will have a look around your blog.



  100. I just found you through a mutual friend. Can’t remember if it was Bearman or maybe Ahmnodt.

    My name is Mel and I write Short Reports on Half-Baked Decisions and other utterly ridiculous stuff like that at Dummies of the Year!

    Good stuff here. I shall return.


  101. hi haven’t been on here for a while – where do I find the latest on the Dewani case?


  102. I love this blog–this is the first one I’ve ever seen in which the “about” section is for readers to introduce themselves!

    I notice the term, “pissed”, is used above–I’ll bet I’m one of only a few American readers who knows “pissed” means “drunk” in the U.K. (not “angry”, as it does here)! I’ve always been fascinated by these differences in terms, generally introduced to me through British men’s magazines (which lead me to believe your country has the highest concentration of exquisitely beautiful women in the world)!

    Here are some others I’ve learned (please correct me if I’ve gotten any incorrectly)!

    In the U.K.,

    A “fag” is a “cigarette”!
    “TV” stands for “transvestite”!
    “Biscuits” are “cookies”!
    “Chips” are “French fries”!
    “Potato crisps” are “potato chips”!
    A “flat” is an “apartment”!
    A “mate” is a “friend”!
    “Tele” is “television”!
    You “ring” someone on the phone, you don’t “call”!
    “Taking the piss” is “drinking” (alcohol)!

    And there are many more of such differences!


    • Hi Scott, welcome to the madhatters

      Most of your examples are correct but –

      ‘taking the piss’ means making fun out of someone

      Other examples you quote have dual meanings, e.g. –

      ‘TV ‘ also means television

      “flat’ also means a puncture

      When I lived in Canada, words that caught me out were –

      fanny – US/Canada = arse, UK = vagina

      pants – US/Canada = trousers, UK = underwear

      rubbers – US/Canada = condoms, UK = plimsoles

      and many more !!! πŸ˜†


    • Welcome to the MadHatters Scott. Please feel free to mosey about and let rip with whatever you feel like saying. I also have a certain advantage in understanding those Brits …. the parents are from Wales, so the funny language they speak is not strange to me. (I’m from waaay down South .. in Africa that is).

      I have one little discrepancy with your list …. I thought a fag was Freddie Mercury?πŸ˜‰


  103. My name is Fi, and I am the head spokescat for

    We like your site, expecially posts about bunnies.

    Can we have more please?




    • Thanks for dropping by GVOSCH7

      We don’t stand on ceremony here, so If you don’t mind I’ll just call you GV for short

      Feel free to browse our site – I hope you like what you see and come back often

      This is a group blog

      I’m the polite, well-mannered, sophisticated sod,πŸ˜‰

      Nobbly’s a bit of a Canute figure – fighting a staunch but futile fight to stem the influx of americanisms into british culture and language. And heaven help anyone who has the temerity to soil this site with a smiley !!!πŸ™„

      ratty’s a bit uncouth but we make allowances for his advanced years. The poor bugger’s getting on a bit

      Last, but not least (well she might be, it being a close thing between her and Nobbly as to who is the more vertically challenged) Julie provides the glamour. Mind you, that’s not too hard to do since the rest of us are right ugly b*stardsπŸ˜†


  105. “. . . ratty’s a bit uncouth . . .”

    What the fuck are you on about?




  107. Blogdramedy somehow found her way to your site. She’s fussy, ironic, sarcastic and demanding. She can do nice for a small monetary consideration.

    She’ll fit right in here.

    Blogdramedy is addressing you in the third person. The other two are busy.


  108. Welcome Blogdramedy!

    Always nice to meet someone who is just like me … fussy, ironic, sarcastic and demanding … although I would have put the demanding part at the front of my list.πŸ˜€

    Sure the others will be around soon to introduce themselves ..


  109. Bloody hell, now it seems my missus is posting on here.


  110. sekanblogger resides in Southeast Kansas and is a married father of two and grandfather of two. A pedigreed ancestor of Ozark Hillbillies and Oklahoma Sooners, born in 1960. Mediocre in most every way, he always tends to countenance the hackneyed.
    Growing up in a small town in the 60β€²s and 70β€²s, he was a gifted trumpet player. However, when the 60β€²s culture reached small-town Kansas in the 70β€²s, he dropped out of college, majored in screwing up and generally disappointing his mother. He enjoys writing when inspired, and always writes for and about common, everyday people.


  111. Sadly, my working day is about to start here in the UK but I’ll be over later this evening !


  112. P.S., despite appearances to the contrary, BB, this is a group blog. There are 5 MadHatters, but for a variety of reasons, the others are ‘quiet’ right now. Trust me though, if you think I am ‘interesting’ – wait till the other daft buggers show up !!!


  113. Hello, I’m stickybud, and I’m a criminal.

    I’ve been hanging around this site for a few months, so it’s a bit late to be introducing myself. Still, etiquette survives in one form or another, I suppose.

    I had an alter ego, but he was killed in action during a surveillance operation. Still, the least said about that the better. I think my new identity is bearing up – I don’t think a particular character has caught on yet. Probably curled up in the shade of a minaret, wheezing and slobbering in an inebriated mess…

    I write ‘pomes’ occasionally – you may find them scattered across the site in random twists of glee and absurdity. Sometimes they are deadly serious. Because I am, essentially, angry.

    My name? You know those dry seed seed pods that stick to your clothes, using little hooks? (Inspiration for ‘Velcro’, by the way). Well, where I come from*, they are called ‘stickybuds’. But that’s not how I got my name.

    Although I have lived in the SE of England for the past 33 years, I am from Yorkshire*. NOBBLY! NO! STOP! SOMEBODY RESTRAIN HIM, WILL YOU…..


    • Oh yes, Mr. Stickybud. I know who you are. In fact, I’m standing (naked) in your front garden now, having relieved your washing line of your undergarments.

      And you think I’m sleeping in the shade of a Mineret in the Middle East?

      Ha, ha, ha – hahahahahahahaha (etc.)


      • Ah, I think you need to reprogram your satnav, mr ratty: you must be the person that my neighbour called the police to. You should consider yourself lucky, as he’s as gay as they come! Must have been feeling under the weather!

        Oh, and I wouldn’t put his underpants on, if I were you – he’s got a severe case of Norwegian scabies!


  114. You need to know something else: due to a trauma I suffered as a sbhoolboy, I can’t write the word ‘seed’ ‘seed’ only once. See what I mean?


  115. cool blog . your funny!!! lol. nice to meet you. btw my pen name is eva626! *shakes your hand vigorously*


  116. Hello, eva626, pleased to meet you.

    I don’t know what’s happened to the Welcoming Committee – they are probably all pissed (if you are from USA, that means drunk, not angry, but they may be that anyway).

    If you can stand the abuse, sexual innuendo and downright filth, you may just fit in. Feel free to post.


  117. Oh, and by the way, it’s “you’re funny”. (I hope that was addressed to me, since it came after one of my posts).


    • Apologies Mazda626, someone should really have said a big ‘Hello’ to you by now, preferably without likening your name to a type of car, of having a dig at your punctewaysheeun an grammer.

      Incidentally, Sticky; I’ve almost admitted defeat in correcting ‘your/you’re’ and ‘their/there/they’re’ situations. It’s a bit like trying to stop Duncan using American spellings….. a lost cause.

      Oh, just to stay in character…… “hic, burp”


  118. Why are replies not posting under the relevant comment?


  119. Hi, I hate all bloggers, especially the bluddy fucken arsewholes who use bad language, for example journalist’s who knead advice on where to stick their fucken apostrophe’s, and who woudnt know a subjunctive case if they was found guilty of it.
    Which is why I hang around here I guess.


  120. Oh yeah, and I’m a Kiwi who’s been stuck in Australia for a number of years, and I’ve got the accent down pat, so most of them don’t even realise I’m the enemy in their midst


  121. Hi eva

    Hope you don’t mind me calling you that – eva626 sounds way too formal !

    Btw, sorry for the delay in saying ‘hello’ – was trying to find out who the bloody hell is Ted Allen πŸ˜‰


  122. Hello Eva and welcome, please excuse the boys – I have tried unsuccesfully over a few years to TRY and teach them manners – I think I may have to resort to the whips ‘n chainsπŸ˜€ (Oh & P.S. if you really want to get Nobbles going – ALWAYS remember to put a couple of theseπŸ˜‰ yellow blobs into your posts – HE LOVES THEM)


  123. lol so how does this blog work? i mean with you admin’s…do you guys go on when ever you like or have turns?


    • Ha, we’re a lazy, dis-organised bunch of admins.

      There’s no plan. Sometimes there’ll be one or more of us around. Other times there’ll be no-one.

      It doesn’t matter, however, because we do the bare minimum of ‘admin’ on this site

      Once we’ve pulled your 1st comment out of WordPress’s moderation queue, you’re free to go.

      We don’t edit, or delete anyone’s comments. Everyone is free to write whatever they want here. It’s total freedom of expression. You can cuss us out (there’s no name you can call us that we haven’t already heard from our partners or each otherπŸ˜† ), agree or disagree with us. It doesn’t matter. We won’t pull any of your comments. We originally met on another blog that was very heavily moderated so when we set up MadHatters we determined we would have none of that here!πŸ˜†


  124. Ah..I’m thinking if I should go in or not…this cafe looks packed..


  125. hey i wanted to share a joke on ur boom boom page but cant comment there…so here it is:

    knock knock
    whos there?
    smell mop
    smellmop who?

    (get it! LOL)


  126. It’s been a while, so I guess I,m a noobie.
    Oh FFS where’s the thingy that goes between the I and m


    • MrsT!!!!!

      You’ll never be a noobie. You’re too bloody old.

      I’ve let you out of moderation – it looks like your fancy new email address had put you in there.

      You still following LFC?


  127. Oh crap Nobbles, it’s the wrong email! This is what you get for trying to type in the dark.


  128. I’ll try again with the right one … here goes


  129. Still following them Nobbly. Too bloody old! You git!
    Seeing as I couldn’t get me email right, I’ll give you that one.


    • Ha!

      It’s good to see you again… and to get a bit of good old banter going. I miss all that stuff, and having ditched my FB account (I got pissed off with all the trivial shite that got posted and then fawned over….) there is nowhere to swap idle insults and witticisms with other like-minded pillocks.


  130. I wondered where you’d gone Nobbly, but I know what you mean. I only use it really to keep in touch with daughter in Bokkieland.

    So, where in here can I spout my shite and banter ……. and where the hell is my coffee?!!!


  131. We ditched the ‘Daily Chat’ section some time ago as it seemed to be confusing some people (How…FFS!), but I may reinstate it if there’s a need for somewhere to swap idle chat.


  132. Great men don’t need grand introductions. Their words and actions speak for themselves… as will mine. My name is Sic but you’re free to call me whatever you wish.


    • “Whatever you wish.” That’s a lot to tap out every time I respond to a post.

      So, as far as I’m concerned, you’re Sic.


  133. Happy Birthday, Duncan–hope this is the best year yet for you!


  134. Hello there! I’m Vicki. Just stumbled across your page and I like what I see!


    • Hi Vicki – always nice to meet new friends !

      Glad you like our blog.

      Sadly, I have to leave for work in a few minutes but will pop by your place later this evening

      Cheers !πŸ˜†


  135. Hello there.

    Great idea. Well, you can call me “May.” My blog is:

    New Yorker.

    Small biz owner/aspiring writer.



    Loves children/animals/nature.

    I came to your blog because of your post regarding the rape victim in India. Beyond sad.

    Nice to meet you!πŸ™‚


  136. So new to this, I have no idea what I am doing, lol. Good evening everyone. If you have any pointers for me, please feel free to tell me!


  137. I enjoy reading your blog so I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award!


  138. As I’m fairly new to these parts, would it be temeritous of me to suggest…
    A kind of “Hall of Fame” menu (though not called that). How about “Lest We Forget” ?
    I think it would look quite nice instead of up there beside the Waffle and Shite menu.
    And whenever Nobbly or someone posts something that has us rolling helpless on the floor, we can nominate the comment for inclusion.

    I nominate Nobbly’s “Cork man gets stuck into bottle of wine. ‘What he needs is a screw’, says thirsty wino.” comment.


  139. Thanks for stopping by my blog. This is such an interesting blog, I had to “follow”! πŸ™‚


  140. Ciao Duncan,
    An introduction?
    Erh!! I am an Englishman married to a Sicilian (Mrs Sensible) I live in Italy surrounded by Italians who refuse to learn or use English tsk tsk. I get through life with the help of my Italian / English dictionary and lots of pointing and mime. I will now go and read some more of your blogπŸ™‚


  141. Hiya sheepy. Just ignore the auld Scots bugger. We’re a truly international bunch on here, We have regular contributions from English, de Oirish, Scots, an ex-pat Cornishman now resident in Morocco, Aussies, Canadians, Yanks, Sarf Efrikens, and even a Yorkshireman.

    We do however, all stand shoulder to shoulder united in the common cause of having nowt to do wi’ the Welsh…or the French.


  142. Haven’t seen Dr Holroyd here for a long time.


  143. I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award ! Visit if you wish to accept!


  144. Hi. My Name is Lance and I am an Atheist.
    (The first step is admitting you don’t have a problem.)

    Glad I found your site.



  145. Hi, I am Garfield Hug and I found your site on John’s blog site. Nice and funny! Will be back for moreπŸ™‚


  146. Hello, I’m not Runny Porridge and it’s not my name. However, this appears to be his laptop. Passwords people, when will you ever learn? Password123, good grief. Love, MI5.


  147. Hey there Duncan! I’m doing a project where I’m following ten exciting, fresh, and interesting bloggers each day for the month of March 2015, and you’re today’s #9! Feel free to come visit me when you can at, and follow if you like what you read. Have a good one!


  148. Hello, I’m Bun (pron. Boon, not like something you eat). I’m probably not that great-looking, but I’m not sure because I wear a bag on my head. I thought I would visit a blog that has some people in it to see what it feels like. I no longer sleep on my stomach because of my acrophobia. I’m afraid of dolls, knives, clowns, clowns with dolls, dolls with knives… Er, is that enough bio?

    Liked by 1 person

    • welcome, Bun – thanks for dropping by and introducing yourself

      I hope you’ll visit again – it’s nice to find someone who shares my idiosyncratic approach to punctuation, tolerance of ‘incorrect’ grammar, and fluency in British and American spellingπŸ˜†

      p.s. you didn’t post a link to your blog so I’ve done it for you –


      • Thank you very much for the “like” and for linking to my blog. It was a kind deed (like someone throwing a rubber life ring to a drowning man). I certainly need the exposure, so I’m grateful.

        I will keep visiting, but try not to make a nuisance of myself. For one thing, I’ve got to come back and think of a killer caption for that dog and kittens photograph. I stared at it for what seemed like ten minutes the other day waiting for inspiration, but all I could think was, β€œWish I had a dog…”

        We can’t keep them where I live, you see.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: