Posts tagged ‘portland’

July 31, 2020

Feds back off, Portland quiets down

by allthoughtswork

Federal officers use tear gas as fire set at Portland federal courthouse - KTVZ

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The police and Feds left the protesters alone last night and the crowd was overwhelmingly….

…calm.

Turns out, if you don’t abuse people, they don’t lash out. Who knew?

You can take your toy soldiers home now, ya orange bastard.

July 29, 2020

Portland, Oregon, fights back!

by allthoughtswork

Five things to know about tonight's World Naked Bike Ride - BikePortland.org

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“You may fire tear gas at our grannies, assault our veterans, and shoot our young people in the head, but don’t block our bike lanes!”

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July 24, 2020

I’ll see your Wall of Moms and raise you some Raging Grannies

by allthoughtswork

Portland Raging Grannies | Portland Pride | Major Clanger | Flickr

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Don’t mess with women over 50, we don’t care if our hair gets messed up while we beat you to death with our umbrella. The protest action in Portland, Oregon, is getting…well…Portlandier.

July 20, 2020

How to flip off the police right

by allthoughtswork

Chris David is Portland right now.

The 52-year-old navy vet walks down to the protests for the first time to ask the federal officers about their oath of office. He stands impassively like a rock while a tiny SWAT guy assaults him impotently with a baton. Then, Chris moseys off, middle fingers high, wearing a fresh coating of pepper spray and rocking a broken wrist.

The FUCK YOU is strong with this one. Trump should be ball-retractingly jealous right about now.

May 1, 2020

Police crack down on non-essential travel

by allthoughtswork

April 1, 2020

Logic in the Time of Coronavirus, Part 4

by allthoughtswork

Toilet paper tower stock photo. Image of hygienic, toilet - 24181722

You better sit down for this one.

We aren’t allowed to leave our homes except for the essentials, right? Well, due to unpredictable shortages in the supply chain, a lot of major grocery stores are no longer answering questions over the phone about stock availability.

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March 31, 2020

Logic in the Time of Coronavirus, Part 3

by allthoughtswork

Search photos "chocolate splash"

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Two weeks ago, during what I can only surmise was a small stroke, I purchased a bottle of Hershey’s Sugar Free Syrup. I guess I figured if I was going to ride out the apocalypse and stay keto, I might as well do it with something fun in my morning coffee.

Whatever was in the bottle crawled out slowly like toothpaste and tasted…well…like toothpaste. It did not tick any of my “fun” boxes. In fact, it highlighted quite a few of my “contagion” ones. I went back to the store a few hours later.

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September 9, 2019

Petrichor

by allthoughtswork

Image result for oregon rain

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pet·ri·chor

/ˈpeˌtrīkôr/
noun
1. a pleasant smell that frequently accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather.
2. the single most exciting aroma a desperate Portlander can inhale after two months of chapped ass and scorched earth.
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July 15, 2019

If Portland turns into Hollywood, I’m gonna have to move

by allthoughtswork

Image result for movie camera lens facing forward

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Many years ago, I met two guys on top of a hill in a cemetery playing with their new GoPro drone. It was the first drone I ever saw. They were cameramen for Grimm.

A few years after that, I’m walking down a street before dawn…

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February 27, 2019

Yeah, it’s a llama on light rail, you got a problem with that, buddy?

by allthoughtswork

Man took a llama onto the train in Portland

Actually, no, because it’s Portland and nobody here even notices.

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