Posts tagged ‘seattle’

July 24, 2020

Don’t call yourself “the Kraken” unless you’re rum or have tentacles

by allthoughtswork

Seattle, Washington, has a new hockey expansion team. This is the logo:

Seattle Kraken: Name, logo revealed for new franchise - Sports Illustrated


It’s supposed to represent a scary sea monster that instills fear in the hearts of its adversaries. It looks like something a squid squeezed into a toilet bowl after two many bowls of Cap’n Crunch.

News: Cap'n Crunch's Blueberry Pancake Crunch Cereal is Here!


Is that a menacing red eye or blood in your stool, Mr. Kraken? Take some Imodium, Washington, and try again.

May 26, 2018

“Our steamed Puget Sound mussels come with a side of rehab…”

by allthoughtswork

Image result for puget sound mussels

Yup, Seattle shellfish are testing positive for oxycodone now.¬†They say it’s only showing up in urban waterways, not any commercial shellfish beds, but I don’t trust it. It’s bad enough you want me to suck down those slimy little sea-tongues, don’t ruin my chances in the Olympics, too.

August 14, 2014

Reasons to Move to Seattle – No 1

by duncanr

seattle an “extremely intoxicated” 33-year-old woman wandered into a yard in Seattle

hiked up her dress and engaged in an intimate act with several lawn chairs.”

she then pissed on the lawn

quite purposefully exposing her genitalia, and then posterior,” according to police.

[Damn, some folk have all the luck !]

October 24, 2013

Shit and Run Mystery

by duncanr

pooThere’s a very upset man in Seattle

And understandably so – some dirty bugger left a big turd on his drive !

He claims a car parked on his drive while the driver nipped into a shop across the road for two tubs of ice-cream. This fact is not in dispute. What happened next is

The man claims a woman got out of the car, crouched down behind it, pulled her knickers down (he got a good view of her bare arse), then pooped on his drive. The woman’s husband, on the other hand, maintains that . . .

September 11, 2011

Daft Bugger Burns Balls

by duncanr

When Seattle police and firefighters responded to reports of a fire in Prefontaine Place Park, they found a man wearing –

crotchless chaps-style spandex with his genitals and buttocks showing,”

The man explained to the officers he was having a “weenie roast” as he gyrated over the flames, letting them ‘touch his genitals and buttocks

[Yes, well – I’d be gyrating too if flames were licking my arse and my balls !!!]

Source –

P.S. The man has been committed to a mental hospital for evaluation

May 30, 2011

John T Williams family offered $1.5 Million

by duncanr

In Dec last year, MadHatters described the death of John T Williams at the hands of Seattle Police Officer, Ian Birk. (See here)

Williams was a traditional wood carver with the Ditidaht First Nation. He crossed an intersection where Officer Birk was sat in his car. Birk saw Williams was carrying a lump of wood and a carving knife, got out of his car and called on Williams to drop the knife. When Williams didn’t comply Birk fired 5 rapid shots into his body, killing him.

It was later learned that . . .

read more »

February 10, 2011

Well-Mannered Thief Caught

by duncanr

Police have identified and arrested a man after this vid of him politely robbing a convenience store in Seattle went viral

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