Posts tagged ‘work’

September 13, 2018

Workplace Humour

by duncanr


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April 26, 2016

Hi Ho, Hi Ho . . .

by duncanr

it’s off to work we go – wait, what’s this?

someone making a run for it?

breakaway ant

July 19, 2015

Coping with Scope Creep

by duncanr

overworked manare you a ‘pleaser’ at work ?

can’t say No ?

and so a victim of ‘scope creep’ ?

whereby you do something as a favour and . . .

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January 10, 2015

My Hero

by duncanr

admit it – who hasn’t pulled a ‘sickie’ once in a while?

we’re amateurs, though, when compared to AK Verma, an electrical engineer in India who was finally sacked by his employer for failing to turn up for work for the past 24 years – http://tinyurl.com/l998l9p

paperwork

pic via

Mr Verma’s 24 yr absence from work sets a new record for prolonged absenteeism, beating the previous record held by schoolteacher Sangeeta Kashyap who didn’t turn up for work for 23 years – http://tinyurl.com/oqnn9lc

I’m tempted to tikka leaf out of Verma’s book and try this masala

[I’d like to think my contribution to the company is so important that folk would immediately notice and be concerned by my absence but, truth is, probably naan would ghee a bombay duck]

February 19, 2014

How to Shit at Work

by duncanr

as part of our mission to educate our readers, madhatters brings you this guide on farting and shitting in the workplace

Pro Tip – if you should release a particularly evil smelling poop, remain in the stall. Do not attempt to leave. If you do, you risk being forced to do the walk of shame if a co-worker enters the bathroom before you have the chance to make your escape

Wait until you hear a co-worker enter another stall. Only then is it safe to exit your own stall. If another co-worker enters the bathroom as you are washing your hands or about to leave, you can avoid the walk of shame by pointing accusingly at the occupant of the other stall

May 28, 2013

Sex in the Office

by duncanr

sexatworkAccording to a recent survey by Business Week, 90% of the 2,500 respondents admitted fancying someone at work.

64% had tried to do something about it

54% had actually had sex with a co-worker – with around 1/2 of that number doing the deed at work

http://tinyurl.com/nwwrn6h

54% ?

Jeez, that figure seems . . .

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April 3, 2013

Letter to an Asshole

by UniSciKill

Dear Puta,

Please don’t try to insult me again with the finesse of a 5 year old because you suck balls in lab. Spare me the lame ass excuses to say shit to my face. You look and sound pathetic that way. It’s not my fault you’re not well endowed and feel the need to make up for it by putting others, who are intellectually your seniors, down. At first, I felt really angry. I wanted to pull your lip over your spiky, fat ass head and demand that you swallow it. Now, I realize that I don’t need to do that. One, it’s a waste of my time, and two, you’ll be put in your place and that day will come soon. Real soon… like when you go off to your last lab training site. I hope for your sake that we never meet again. I stayed quiet once, but I’ll rearrange that street-thug asswipe face of yours next time.

Sincerely,

Not a two-faced, jealous son of a puta like you!

P.S. Puta means bitch in Spanish. You’re welcome.

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October 26, 2012

Be Sneaky at Work

by duncanr

Bored at work?

Madhatters has the solution

What if I told you about a website where you can listen to the soundtrack of movies, TV shows, radio, stand-up comedy?

Plug in your earphones and enjoy without your boss or co-workers knowing.

Because it’s audio only, if your boss glances at your screen (s)he will see that spreadsheet or memo you’re working on whereas you will be seeing in your mind’s eye the scenes that correspond to that movie you’re listening to

Give it a try –

http://www.listentoamovie.com/media/

P.S. I’ve been listening to ‘A Fish Called Wanda’ while writing this post 😆

April 1, 2012

Animals in the Workplace

by duncanr

American researchers claim dogs in the workplace to be a good idea.

They measured stress levels throughout the working day of employees allowed to bring their dogs to work, dog owners who left their pets at home, and employees who did not have dogs as pets

Stress levels at the start of the day were similar in the 3 groups but diverged as as the day progressed – that of the workers with dogs present decreasing while stress levels increased amongst non-dog owners and dog owners who had left their pets at home

http://preview.tinyurl.com/ccwn2j6

The researchers suggest the increase in stress seen in dog owners who had left their pets at home may . . .

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February 27, 2012

Feb 29 : Work for No Pay

by duncanr

‘Ere I’ve just had a thought

Bloody Leap Year !

Not only will I have to be on my guard Wednesday for any floosie proposing marriage in order to get their hands on my hard-earned cash

But because I’m on a fixed yearly salary, I won’t be getting paid extra for working an additional day. I’ll be working Wednesday for nothing !

Who the hell thought it was a great idea to sneak in an extra day every 4 years – it certainly wasn’t anyone on a fixed salary

Ggrrrr !!!