Posts tagged ‘zimbabwe’

May 26, 2017

Talking to God

by duncanr

since time immemorial, there have been shaman/priests/charlatans/con artists (call them what you will) who have sought power, wealth, influence over their fellows by claiming a special relationship with their god – presenting themselves as an intermediary between that god and folk less favoured than themselves

such blessed individuals are with us still – but the means by which they communicate with and receive guidance from their god is somewhat different now from what it was previously –

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May 15, 2017

Praying Pastor falls Prey to Crocs

by duncanr

β€˜We still don’t understand how this happened because he fasted and prayed the whole week

yeah, I don’t understand it either, mate !

http://tinyurl.com/ko47p4b

April 15, 2017

3 Week Erection

by duncanr

a woman in Zimbabwe who slipped a love potion (containing Baboon piss) in her husband’s tea to increase his ardour began to rue her action when the randy bugger was left with an erection for 3 weeks and demanded sex 6 times a day – even when she was cooking or in church – http://tinyurl.com/kk62amv

June 30, 2014

Silent Sex Trouble

by duncanr

divorce180A man in Zimbabwe wants to divorce his wife because . . .

she doesn’t make any noise when they’re having sex

http://tinyurl.com/on4egt4

hhmmm, don’t know what he’s got to complain about – mine used to read a book !

April 1, 2013

Wife Refuses to have Sex with Snake

by duncanr

coiled snakeAll Mutsvodi Makwini wanted was the court to grant him a protection order against his wife because of her habit of pissing on the clothes he wore to church, and pulling on his private parts

A not unreasonable request you might think

But then, some may think his wife, Venenciah Chatima, had due cause – after all, Makwini was trying to make her have sex with a snake !

See – http://tinyurl.com/bqdl2gu

March 11, 2013

Black Magic Woman

by duncanr

black magicAppearances can be deceptive. This we all know from experience – who hasn’t been disappointed when a meal ordered at a restaurant or bought at a supermarket looks nowhere near as nice on your plate as it did on the menu or packaging in which you bought it. So we shouldn’t really be too surprised by a mismatch between internal and external appearances

That said, it was still a bit of a shock when a 30 yr old Zimbabwe woman, Modester Gida, was stripped naked by her relatives.

What they found was not what they expected and now they and other villagers are muttering about Black Magic

I mean, what other possible explanation could there be ? πŸ˜‰

What am I on about?

See http://tinyurl.com/acwhb2j

March 7, 2013

Practicing Safe Sex in Zimbabwe

by duncanr

lion

Me bad ?

This post is just for guys, so any female madhatters – please look away !

Guys, if you live in Zimbabwe or are planning to vacation there and should be lucky enough to find yourself in the bush with a young lady and . . . . well, you know the rest πŸ˜‰

Just be careful to practice ‘safe sex’

In Zimbabwe, that means . . .

Step 1 – wear a condom
Step 2 – make sure the lady is on top !

Just saying ! πŸ˜†

What am I on about ?

see – http://tinyurl.com/b5sk3s8

November 23, 2012

Man’s Penis being Eaten Alive

by duncanr

A 52-year-old man from Tembisa in Ekurhuleni, Zimbabwe is not a happy man. His is being eaten alive by a wee beastie that’s taken up residence in his penis

Moreover, the stink from his sick dick has everyone (including his wife) keeping their distance.

Doctor’s have tried treating him with antibiotics – to no avail.

Neither has traditional medicine been of any help.

The only solution now, it is suggested, is to cut his balls off – no wonder the poor bugger’s not happy!]

http://tinyurl.com/cb66ljz

October 17, 2012

Wife Punished for Eating best part of Cock

by duncanr

A 24-year old Zimbabwean woman, Nomusa Sibanda, was assaulted by her husband for cooking a cockerel and keeping the breast for herself while serving him the wings and one drumstick.

Under local customs the back, breast and leg potions of a chicken should be reserved for the man, so in addition to being assaulted by her husband, the village court fined her a chicken.

The court also . . .

read more »

October 15, 2012

Man arrested for Psychic Rape

by duncanr

gurning

I’m c-c-c-oming !

A man in Zimbabwe has been arrested after fellow travellors at a bus terminus became suspicious when they noticed him . . .

sweating and exhibiting an expression synonymous with that of a person engaging in sex while his eyes were glued at the woman who was standing in front of him.

When the man was challenged, the woman in front of him, who had appeared to be in a trance-like state said –

she was having some unusual funny feelings in her private parts.”

Those funny feeling may well have been an . . .

read more »